Running in circles(Post Malone Story)COMPLETED

22

I thought I wouldn't be able to fall to sleep with the million things rattling around in my already cor-fuddled brain, but I was dead wrong. I was out  as soon as my head hit the soft down filled pillows. It wasn't a restful sleep by all means, I tossed and turned consistently. I dreamt of high school. I wasn't sure if that was going to be a good journey down memory lane or if it was going to dredge up old wounds.  It was like massive montage of mine and Austins adolescent years. It started off with all the good times we spent together. From walking around the mall with our friends to the regular sleepovers we had. All those anxious moments when my whole body screamed to touch him, kiss him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It all of a sudden turned into a reel of moments of when he picked someone over me. It felt like it was always enviable with Austin. He always found a girl that was better than me. If it wasn't looks, it was that she was smarter or wanted to party when I didn't. The moments flashed by like photos. Reminding me that this was always going to happen. He always left me behind.

I woke up with a startle, coated in a fresh film of perspiration. The cold feeling than was running through my body wasn't just from the cooling sweat, it was also the realisation that I may never be enough for him. I peeled the sweatpants off my legs and hooked one leg out of the covers. I felt an arm snake round my waist and pull me close. I automatically relaxed into the solid safe body before realising it was Smitty. My body tensed.  I didn't know how I felt about this new dynamic. I couldn't tell if he was still in a deep sleep or if the line had been crossed intentionally. I stilled and held my breath listening carefully to see if his breathing has changed. I couldn't quite tell and then it dawned on me, if he was awake he would realise I was holding my breath. I felt myself blush crimson as I started to over think and over analyse the situation. Was he used to having random girls in his bed and  was I nothing more than a mere human shaped cushion for him to hold? Or if he was asleep was this subconsciously him making a move?

This was all too early in the morning and too soon after me and Austins tryst for me to deal with. I gradually edged out of the bed, careful not to wake Smitty and hurried to the bathroom. I quickly locked the door behind me and started the shower to block out any noise from my existential crisis I was about to have. I paced the small bathroom, my bare feet slapping against the cold tiled floor. I raked my hands through my hair anxiously, my trembling fingers getting caught in the tangled mess. I turn to see my reflection in the mirror, shocked to see how dishevelled I look. I pull the t shirt over my birds nest of hair realising I should probably shower. As my face reappears from the mass of hair and the oversized t-shirt I  gasp at the bruise that is now fully formed on my rib-cage. I gingerly run my fingertips over it, wincing at the pain that courses through my body at the touch. I would have to be careful from now on and listen to them all. However much it pained me to say it Austin was right. I stepped under the steaming hot water and my body instantly relaxed. I sighed as I felt all my worries wash away, for a few moments anyway. I washed every inch of my body trying to cleanse myself of the past few days. I heard a knocking at the door. Smitty must have woken up and need the bathroom. I jumped out quickly and dryed off. I stepped out of the bathroom shyly.

"Sorry I was so long" I apologised. Smitty kept his head down and avoided eye contact. I smirked realising he was trying not to look at me in my towel. I pulled it around me tighter and stepped past him to let him in the bathroom. Onec he had locked himself in I pulled on my rumpled clothes from the day before and folded the clothes Smitty had kindly borrowed me neatly on the bed and placed them next to his bag. I lay back down on the bed and scrolled through Instagram.

When I heard the click of the bathroom door opening I kept my eyes focused on my phones screen not wanting to make Smitty feel uncomfortable. He silently went about his business, putting his stuff back in his bag.