Never Expect The Unexpected: MERDER AU

Chapter 3

Derek spent his morning being bombarded with Richard's attempts to set him up with, you guessed it, another woman. He understood his reasoning, but it didn't make it any less unbearable. It felt like hours of going back and forth in his office as he tried to convince him to go on a second date with his patient's sister Roslyn. Roslyn was beautiful; tall, perky, dark hair and tanned skin. She was every man's dream bride, but something about her didn't click well with him. She was boring. Derek couldn't roll with boring. Ordinary was never his cup of tea.

"Shepherd you'd be crazy not to give her a chance. Look at her! She'd be perfect for you. Your kids would have,"

"Kids! Richard...I never, who said? I don't want kids. I don't want to go out with Roslyn and I don't want to keep having this conversation." He grabbed his coat and pulled his arms through the opening, grabbing his pager and clipping it onto his scrubs.

"You know the deal..."

"I do. And I have someone. A girlfriend." He nodded his head and looked around nervously, hoping Richard wouldn't see through his act.

"Really?" The old man was in disbelief, "what's her name?"

"Meredith. She prefers to be called Dr. Grey."

"Good one Shep. Give Roslyn a call and tell me how it goes." He picked up his pen and got back to filling out paperwork.

"I'm serious," Derek was offended that he didn't believe him, "it's new which is why I didn't tell you sooner, but we've been together for a while now. She's...well she's, you know?"

"Mhm, like I said. I've sent you her number, call it."

Derek left his office and made his way down to the first floor. He needed to find her and figure out a way to get Richard to believe him. She was the one who'd came up with the plan and she was the one who should know what to do. At least that's what he'd hoped.

00

Meredith pulled up her scrubs and searched around for her key card, not paying attention to the faceless intern she'd just finished screwing. His name didn't matter to her as the only thing she was screaming was 'fuck' as she came down from her high. "After you..." The scrawny imbecile held open the door to the on call room and let her walk past him, not even glancing at his face as she exited.

Derek watched from afar as his pretend girlfriend came out of a room after having obvious sex with another man. He hurried over to her as she fixed up her appearance, walking towards the stairwell.

"What the hell are you doing?" He grabbed her arm.

"I'm walking...let go of my arm or you won't have one," she jerked her shoulder away from him and remained focused on getting to her destination.

"You can't...if we're supposed to be dating, you can't be seen...having sex with other men!" He whispered in a demanding tone.

"I never agreed to that. A girls gotta have an orgasm."

"Richard hardly believes that we're together as it is. If he sees you fooling around with someone who isn't me, Dr. Grey. We need to set some rules to this...situation." They stopped at the top of the stairwell.

"Rules? I was told I would pretend to be your girlfriend and you would cover my post ops for not one, but two months. Are you backing down now Dr. Shepherd?" Her voice passive aggressive as she looked at the oddly attractive man.

"No. That's not what I'm saying. I just think we need to lay out a few ground rules...for starters, no sleeping with anyone in the hospital because the chief might see."

"That's not fair, I need,"

"Orgasms. Yes I got the memo. Meredith," he noticed her glare enhance, "Dr. Grey...this is important to me, we can't screw it up. He has to think...I have to be the only person you're sleeping with."

"Wow that sounds..."

"I didn't mean it like that. I..."

"No no, you're right." She nodded her head confidently and a grin formed at the corner of her mouth.

"What do you mean I'm right?" He had never been right about anything when it came to her. She was always the smart one, despite his ranking her.

"You can be my fuck buddy," she stated frankly.

"Your what...buddy?" Derek replied much louder than he meant to.

"You give me sex, I act like your girlfriend, and do...whatever it is girlfriends do."

"You want to have sex with me? You don't even know if I'm good. I am good. I'm really, very good, but you don't know that. Why would you want to have sex with me?"

"Relax," Meredith rolled her eyes, "all I need is a penis and I could pretty much do the rest myself. You do have a penis, don't you?"

"Yes I have a...and I am good. You'd be lucky to have sex with me." His overly large ego disgusted her.

"As I said, I've got it covered." She rolled her eyes. "Just...try not to get attached, okay? I cant deal with the whole feelings getting hurt when I don't call the next day thing."

"Attached? Why would I..."

"Oh please, look at me. Every guy that I sleep with either wants to marry me or have sex with me every chance they get; If not both." Meredith shrugged her shoulders and reached for her pager as it beeped.

"Seriously? I don't mean...I just. You? I don't see that happening."

"Ass." Her closed fist attacked his shoulder before she jogged in the opposite direction towards the room that she was being paged to.

Derek cupped his hands around his mouth as if he was speaking into a megaphone, "I'll be the best fuck buddy you've ever had!"