My Guilty Pleasure

42. Resolution

Desiree's pov

Four months later

I wish I didn't have to look at him like this. It's so strange to watch him through the plastic between us. My body is as calm as it could be, but my mind is overreacting. This encounter is something I've feared for a while now. All I need is to hear him say the truth for a change. I remember bits of what happened but it's not enough. I want an explanation. Why did someone who has claimed not to love me go through all that trouble to save me? Wish Zachary would tell me specifics but honestly, ever since then he is not the same man. It's partially my fault. I was obsessed with Damien even before that accident, but after it happened something in me snapped. Now I am a mother and I want what's best for me and my child. What's best right now is for me to know the truth. God has given me another chance in life. I honestly believed I would die that day. I even wish for death to take me so I wouldn't have to live with that shame and sadness again. The thought of possibly losing my baby made me completely devastated. At that moment, when I thought my life was ending, only Damien came to my mind. I could never explain why I cling to him even after everything that happened but that's just who I am. I saw more in him, I've seen how good he can be and I need him. He was honest at times with me, he showed me how to overcome my fears. That part can never be ruined with his future behaviour.

Damien is looking at me with his deep green eyes, and it's making me feel naked. I feel... There is too much that I feel. I'm burning... His eyes hold me captive. It's like I want to say so much yet I feel like there is nothing to say. I can see all the answers in his eyes. This once distant and cold man is now cracking in front of me. His eyes are wide open and I see the fear in them. I didn't see vulnerability on his face in a long time. 

-I... I should have made a list... A list of things to ask you because... Because now I can't think... I don't know where to start or what to say.- He blinked at that and then lowered his head a shameful look on his face.

-Whatever you ask, I will not answer. So you wasted your time, you should go to your husband.- The last word he said is like a punishment. He said it through gritted teeth and I swallowed a lump in my throat. 

-You can't act like a jealous boyfriend now... Not when you were the one who left me.- He now slammed his fist on a wooden table in front of him earning a terrified look from me and an annoyed one from the guard who warned him to be quiet.

-Shut up! I didn't want this! You shouldn't have come here. I never should have agreed to talk to you.- He stood up and panic rise in me. I can't take this any more! I know he saved me. What was he doing at my house? Why was he there? I heard him then... 

-Please! Please, Damien! Just this once, just this once please be honest! I need to know... I need to be able to move on. All this time... I thought I did, but... Even now... I have hope that you'll come back to me. To our daughter.- His eyes open wide at the mention of our daughter. I guess he didn't know. He formed fists again and the same expression of pain crossed his face. He narrowed his eyes at me, but I don't see hate in there. I only see rage and determination.

-Why do you need to do this? Do I need to spell it out for you? It's better if you stay away. You have a family now. That's what you always wanted, isn't it? You wanted someone by your side. Now you have a husband... And daughter.- His last words are again gritted through teeth and I smiled sadly at that. Of course, that's what I wanted. I never had a real family. It is something I never thought was possible for me. But I... I didn't want just a family. I wanted a family with him.

-Her name is Aurora... You should know it so that the next time you try to pretend you don't care you can remember there is a person that you created. You and I, we created a person. She is real, Damien. I'm tired of this game you're playing. It was always your thing, to play hot and cold. If you think me staying away from you is what's best for me, then you are mistaken. I can handle anything. You know what kind of life I had and I'm still standing. Do you think your shady business is enough to scare me? I guess you were just too much of a coward to try and find a solution, so you gave up on us.- I feel empowered. I waited so long for this. I have to get it out. I will say everything that is on my mind. I deserve to have this! Damien now lowered his head and it's again looking at the floor, playing the victim in this scenario and it enrages me.