My Guilty Pleasure

3.Forever yours, Alexander...

3. Forever yours, Alexander...

(beginning of a dream)

With tearful eyes, full of pain I looked at my mother, praying that this will stop. Why doesn't he leave her alone? Mom didn't do anything. Why is he punishing her? I hid under a piece of furniture that is still in our house and watched the man that I call my father throws another blow at my mother. I want to shake off his hands and punish him just as he punished mom for years. But I know that's not possible. I'll just end up with broken bones or bruises. I learned that too late. It took me a while to learn that a ten-year-old child can't change anything. Narrowing my eyes I continue to watch the picture in front of me that is repeating every day.

- Tell me who it was, you whore! I support this family while you're whoring around! I get you these drugs and drinks and you repay me by being in a club until morning! Who were you with this time? Huh? Answer me! – He roughly grabbed my mother's hair and pulled her head toward him. He released her and with a thud, she fell on the floor choking in her own tears. I hid a little further into the broken closet, panting and shaking with fear. I bit my lip preventing the sound of my weeping. If he sees me he'll start yelling at me.

- Elizabeth answer me! You know I'll find out the answers. - His voice calmed down and he gently stroked my mother's hair, persuading her to tell him something. But this is not good.  I saw it enough times so I knew it would not end well. I grabbed my knees close to my body and rested my head on them. Tears were pouring down my face constantly, and I prayed that this will end already. Why doesn't he just lay down to sleep?

- Oliver... I. .. Oli, please... Oli... - My mother is sobbing, trying to put a sentence together but failed. Maybe it's because of fear, or drink, or those syringes that she uses every day. Sometimes I wonder if mom is sick. I know that injections are for when someone is sick, but I think that's not why mom uses them. I never dared to ask. I know that it would end with yelling and punching. It's better when I'm not on her way.

- All right, Beth. Calm down. I just ask for the name of a man that you were until now. With whom have you been fucking while I worked for bread for you and your bastard who ruined our lives? –Father clenched his fists, now angrily but he is still talking normally. This is not good.

- No Oli... I didn't, no... I ... - Mom moaned loudly again, and I wanted to go out and hug her.

- Shut up! -He caught her by her hair and lifted her on her feet and then slapped mom and she fell on a glass table and broke it with her weight. I stopped a scream by putting a hand over my mouth. I don't want to see this, I don't want him to hurt my mum. My heart is beating so fast and I have a feeling that this won't end well. Can they hear me? What if Dad hears that I am here? I put my other hand on my heart and push it, hoping to silent the knocking of my heart. Come on! My mom tried to get up from the pile of glass, but lost her balance and fell with a loud scream. Blood poured from her face, and I am now afraid that she will die. I know that this happens often but I'm still scared.

- Oliver... I... - She wanted to say something but then my dad pulled out a gun and held it on my mother's head. My eyes are wide open now. I know what it is, I'm not that young. He's never done something like this. Usually, he just beats up my mom and then leaves the house. What will he do this time?

- Stop it you're lying! YOU LIE EVERY TIME! You're a lying whore! You know what? I've had it enough! I had enough of you and that bastard! Who knows whose child is it! You were so drugged that I don't know how you decided that it is my child! You fooled me enough! - I put my knees closer to me now fighting for breath. What the hell is going on? Will he kill my mom? No, no, no... I heard a loud shot rang out from the room and a scream, watching the blood flow from the lifeless body of my mother, taking away from me a little security and love that I had...