My Guilty Pleasure

9. All women are the same

9. All women are the same

(beginning of a dream)

The blow fell on my face and I squealed in pain. Narrowing my eyes I put my hand on my cheek and looked at him in surprise. He's not like this. He never treated me like this. He defended me, taken care of me... With him, I felt like I have a family for the first time. When my parents were home, he would always be at our best behaviour. He would talk to me gently, tease me with nicknames, ruffle my hair and try to cheer me up... And now this. His eyes glared at me and I feel trapped in my own body. My body is shaking from the pain and betrayal. I just learned how to trust someone and he betrayed me.  My tears are clouding my vision and I didn't notice another blow that fell on my face. I fell on the floor under the weight of his hand and put my head down, trying to hide my tears. His words are floating in my mind but I don't understand them. I don't hear them anymore. All I hear is a constant humming and my own sobs.

- Do you think you're so smart? Do you think I don't know what are you doing behind the closed doors of your room? In front of my mom and dad, you're a nice, absolutely perfect little girl... The hell you are... You think it's interesting that my sister is a whore? You go around in those short tight dresses and tease everyone. You think it's interesting Desiree? You think it's nice when all my friends imagine you while they pleasure themselves? From whom did you learn that Desiree? Did your mom teach you how to spin the men around your finger? You know... Rumour says that you're a little drug addict like your mommy. You may not know but my parents knew Elizabeth and Oliver. Not quite good but still... They used to be godparents. Before your mother became a prostitute and drug addict and father a drunkard and a robber. Who are you, Desiree? I think that you're like mommy but there is time. You might prove to me that you can be wild like Oliver... - With disgust, I looked at him, not believing my ears. That cute boy that provided me all the support I needed, he's now saying this cruel words. He looks like a completely different person. I want to wake up from this nightmare, I want to open my eyes and smile at my gentle brother. Not this... Monster. Roughly, he grabbed my hair and pulled me up to him. I cried out harder in pain and looked at him pleadingly.

- When I ask you a question Desiree I expect an answer. – He said while pinching my jaw.  I know he's not kidding. He wants me to answer him. But what should I say? I can't find the words for the pain I feel in my jaw and heart. The only person that I have trusted and given my heart to has failed me more than anyone else. More than my parents. More than Caroline and Robert. I expected betrayal from all of them. I knew it wouldn't last. But with Alexander was different, he was different. At least I thought so.

- Desiree doesn't tempt me... You know what I'm capable of... -He roughly whispered in my ear and grabbed my hair again drawing me to himself. I started to shake harder. I'm so afraid and I put my arms around me hoping it will protect me. Please God, make our parents come home! Please, let anyone come and help me. I'm so afraid... I'm afraid of what he'll do. Oliver has always been predictable. I knew what to expect. But this... I don't know Alexander as well as I thought. He is a still unpredictable figure for me. Another mask that I can't figure out. Now I understand that he can hurt me, I realized that he wants to hurt me... I can see it in his eyes, the expression on his face. His whole being is distorted while looking at me with a teasing smile and evil eyes. I gripped my hands around me harder trying to comfort myself. Oh my God... When will this be over? When will I finally be able to say that I am truly happy? I closed my eyes, hiding from his penetrating gaze trying to block out the pain and all the hurt that I feel. Suddenly a sharp pain cut me in the stomach and I fell to the floor, screaming and writhing in pain. I sobbed and screamed afraid to open my eyes.

- P... P... Ple... Please... - I managed to say, sobbing in the hope that he will stop. Maybe my brother is still there and this is an ugly dream I will wake up from at any second. But I know this isn't a dream. Another blow to my body proved to me that I'm not dreaming. I started coughing and choking spitting blood. I tried to get on my feet but pain cut me and fell to my knees vomiting. Everything hurts. I have the impression that someone is breaking my stomach. My breathing is difficult, my legs hurt, my face, my stomach... I just want to turn into dust and disappear. Stay away from this pain and these freak that I thought is my brother.