My Guilty Pleasure

39. What Lies Ahead

I looked at my husband and rolled my eyes. Sometimes I feel like he is someone else. This insecure, manipulative son of a bitch is not the man I married. Maybe I was wrong from the start? I smiled sweetly and he got closer taking a hold of my hand. 

-Don't look at me like that. We talked about it, I only wanted to spare you. I understand you but it's time to move on. Seeing him brought nothing good to you, to us... I never meant to hide anything. Do you trust me?- Hm... Do I? I guess I do... I can imagine how it was for him. Now it has been two weeks since I saw Damien yet I'm still a mess. I lay awake at nights and wonder if he really said that he loves me? Why did he leave then? Why did he treat me like dirt under his fingernails? You don't do that to someone whom you supposedly love. So I guess it was just his way of playing with me, of tricking me, making me his puppet again. I sighed and looked at Zachary's pleading eyes. 

-I'm sorry Zach... I do trust you, I know it was hard for you, I understand.- He looked guilty. He drew patterns on my hand, sending chills through me. 

-I would have told you, baby, I really would. I just didn't know when, or how.- I nodded and took a deep breath calming my nerves. 

-It's done now. We shouldn't even think about it, it's not worth it. Just... Don't treat me like some trophy wife, we are in this together. What you do, I do. I want to know what is going on, I'm not made of glass. I won't break.- I told him honestly, thinking about all the things he hides from me. He never talks business. He wanted me to stay home when we needed to be at court even when I was the one who made mistake. It's like I never worked with him, he forgot that part. Now he treats me like I don't know a thing about what he does. 

-Of course... I won't hide anything, I was merely trying to protect you.- Agh... Again that excuse. It's like that's the only thing he has up his sleeves. 

-Well don't. For the sake of our future, don't try to protect me.- I pulled my hand out of his and somehow managed to get up without his help. His hand is standing in the air and his face is an epitome of guilt and regret and love and... Agh. I just can't. My mind is too messed up to let his guilt get to me. 

-I need to get out for a while. I'll go shopping with Aylen or Arianna.- I told him and I left without waiting for his reply. I just need time to cool off. I know it's been a while now but I still feel like he's not taking me seriously. 

I got into the car and on my way to the mall, I called Aylen first. I haven't seen her for a while and I need to make up for it. She answered after the third ring. 

-Hey girl, what's up?- She sounds cheerful and that's exactly what I need. She instantly puts a smile on my face.

-I was wondering the same thing about you. Are you up for some shopping?- She didn't waste a second answering. 

-Hell yeah. I feel like I don't see you often enough. I get it that you are a married woman now but still... Everyone needs friends in their life.- I felt guilt for a second but I won't dwell on it. I'll make it up to her. It's not that I don't want to see her, I'm just so lost in my thoughts. It's like I can't help it but wound up in some crazy part of my mind that's begging me to chase Damien. I feel pathetic. 

-I know Aylen... I'm sorry, last weeks were, overwhelming.- I said honestly and her mood changed a bit.

-Alright, you'll tell me about it. Where and when should we meet?- I realize that I'm already in front of the mall.

-Now would be perfect. I just needed to get out of the house. If you can't right now I'll just walk around waiting for you.- 

-No, no... I'm free.- I told her where I am and she said she'll be here in fifteen minutes. I found a parking spot and then got inside looking around the stores. Just as she promised Aylen turned up in fifteen minutes. She kissed my cheek and then my huge stomach caught her attention.