My Guilty Pleasure

15. You have no idea

15. You have no idea

-... and then he just said that I can do whatever I want. Can you imagine? Do what you want! Translation: I don't care about you. What is it all about? And then I said we are breaking up, but then he, my little sweety, he started apologizing and apologizing... - I listened Aylen thoughtfully, while she's telling me about one of her arguments If I understood well. I can't concentrate on her story at the moment, I have too many things happening in my head. I mean, who could be interested in her speech in my shoes? After everything stupid that I have done in my life, this last thing takes the prize. It was the worst thing that could have happen. Oh what am I talking about, it was great, but a bad influence. It was the first time that I have experienced something like that. It wasn't like fireworks or anything but it was special. It wasn't love, it was just lust, and sex but I felt free and content. There was something... something. I enjoyed every second of it. And I want more, after everything I still want more with him. It was unbelievable that sex can be so good. I threw out all the frustration I had. Every hidden thing came out during that time. I feel relaxed now. I can still imagine his lips, his touch, his *khm*... I need to stop thinking about this and focus on the situation in front of me or Aylen will end my life here and now. 

- ... And we were all morning in my apartment and he just said it and after that we watched the sun get out in the sky and fall asleep into each other arms. It was heavenly, absolutely divine! But there is something that worries me. Do you think I gave in too quickly? Maybe he won't take me seriously, I should have played hard to get. What do you think? - She asked, with wide-open eyes like an owl. Oh my God, why am I doing this now? Arghh... This woman can annoy the hell out of me. I don't even know what she talked about, I wasn't paying attention. But I can't admit that, so I need to improvise. It's not that I don't like listening to her, but most of the time it's the same. There's always a guy and a problem with her insecurities. It sounds harsh but I do understand her, I just hope she'll learn once and for all. 

- Aylen, all that matters is that you love him and you are together. And besides, he loves you, and he apologized and he was very nice to you afterwards. Do not lose him because of some nonsense. If he's worth it, then you should forgive and forget. If he screws up sometimes, then tighten the strap and spank his ass good. - She started to laugh at it and I just rolled my eyes. Love doesn't exist! Sooner or later they will go separate ways. I went through this with Ayleen countless times. Every time she seemed in love and then in the end he wasn't the real deal. 

- You're right. I'm so glad I came to you. I promise I won't bother you with this anymore. I'll go home and I'll leave you to work. Your lunch break ended five minutes ago anyway... Sorry about that. See you soon, bye. - She kissed me on the cheek and walked out of my office. I sighed when I saw her leave. She occupied my whole break that lasted half an hour. I haven't eaten the whole day and now I don't have time to. It's better this way, I'm too emotional to eat. And the reason of my emotions is an arrogant jerk. Ah! I DO NOT want to think about him. No, no, and no. Last night was... It doesn't matter what it was. It will never happen again.

I got back to work and for the rest of the day, I worked like a maniac trying to get everything out of my head. Today Zachary didn't even look at me. He threw a quick glance at me and just put his head down. Like I'm the most disgusting creature in the world. But I don't care. I don't care anymore. Neither about him nor about Damien. I will stay away from both of them, and I'll just do my job. I know I want to repeat things with Damien, but I must control myself and remember that he's a manipulative asshole. Oh, how I would like to repeat it again and again and again... Snap out of it already. It was just sex. Sex I can have with anyone else. Why does it have to be him? It wasn't gentle, and he wasn't doing who knows what. It was rough, passionate, there was a lot of moaning and scratching. A strange feeling came to me again, and I feel pressure in my lower area and suddenly my whole body is in heath.  When did it become so hot? I opened the window and continued my workday...