My Guilty Pleasure

1. Just one more thing...

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1. Just one more thing...

I watched the tender scene in front of me trying not to let the tears slide down my face. I bit my lip until I felt the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. Only if I could...No, I shouldn't go in that direction. I tried to stay strong. I'm stronger than this. I'm better than this. This is my life and I am in charge. This will not ruin my life, I will not let it ruin my chance to be normal. I looked at the shelf with drinks and before I realized, the bitter liquid was deep in my throat. This is the first and last time. Only this time...I promised myself that, but in reality, I just knew I was lying to myself. Yet I chose to ignore it and continue to drink...

Three years later...

I am calmly going through the paperwork not wanting to allow myself any mistake. There should not be mistakes. A loud knock interrupted me. Ah... It's time.

- Miss... It's time to go! - My driver is standing at the office door. I nodded and neatly packed all the papers in the folder. Today, I will definitely be late. Last night I was busy and didn't have time to take care of all the documents. I just hope that it won't be a big deal. I looked out the large window that takes up an entire section of the wall and smiled, looking at my perfect, neat, garden. Many gardeners, architects, and famous artists took hours and hours to bring this garden in front of me to perfection. Not that I do not appreciate it but... Over time, it becomes insignificant. In the blink of an eye, I would give all I have for just one day without pain and memories. But that is not possible. Instead of such thoughts I smiled, faking happiness, and went to my driver. Of course, I try to look as good as possible today. I don't like open or provocative clothing but the knee-length skirt and white shirt with a jacket over it are fine. I fix my suit and hair a little. As I walk down the long corridor with many images and pictures, they reminded me just how precious this stupid house is. I rolled my eyes and continued to walk to the garage. Large, white, double doors opened and I stepped into the cold concrete underground room which I call a garage. My driver is already holding open the door of my car and is patiently waiting for me to get inside. I thanked him and settled comfortably in the leather seat. This is not very usual but today is a special day. I need all the best. Today I will become CEO of the company that I work for. The smell of leather and cleanliness is all that I can feel in this car. I can even smell my own perfume a little, but not so much, I guess I'm used to it so I lost sense of smell for it. Again, I went through all the documents purely wanting to make sure that they are perfect. I sighed when the car stopped and waited for bodyguards to be deployed in front of the company and then I slowly got out of the car. Some boring journalists surrounded the entrances but I just ignore them and continue to walk. They are just hungry for news. 

-Miss? When should I come and get you? - Asked Alfred, my driver, a little nervously. I told him that I will let him know, and continued. Most people are afraid of me. I guess they fear because of my coldness or just think I'm as vile as people represent me. I'm sick of these descriptions. They don't know me but they already have a vivid picture of me that can never be changed. I will always remain a spoiled, stupid rich girl. I sighed and pressed the button on the elevator to the top floor. Why does not this stupid elevator go faster? I looked in the mirror on the wall, without emotion I watched my reflection. A relatively beautiful woman looked back at me with her greenish eyes. People always tell me how beautiful my eyes are, but I don't see it that way. I see all the pain that is hiding in those eyes. I have my mother's lips, full, wide green eyes, blonde hair... People find all of these attractive but I only find it disgusting.  I'm disgusted with this reflection of weaknesses that is with me every day. If only I'm someone else, someone stronger, better, smarter... Maybe then I could have avoided many unnecessary things. I could have done so much more in my twenty- four years... My life could have been better... But I don't have time to think of unrealistic nonsense. This is me. This cold, blond girl is me... And I have to live with that.