My Guilty Pleasure

35. I Hate You

For the next days, I felt like I belong here. Damien's mansion is in a place called Saint-Nom-la-Bretèche. It's beautiful. The whole mansion has a lake beside it and literally a forest around, beautiful garden. Everything is like a dream. Damien went back to his usual cocky behaviour and I'm grateful. I like him that way, he is still gentle in his own way he's not treating me as something broken. He told me all about his memories in this place, showed me the whole mansion, which has an indoor pool, more room than is needed but everything became familiar to me. Damien took good care of me and days went by so fast. We are left with only one day on our trip and I don't feel like going back. Because when I go back in just a couple of days I need to go and do an abortion. And I can't take it. The more I am with Damien I realize that I want a part of him. Even if he leaves me one day I will have this baby. I will never be alone... I know that is a selfish reason but I want to be selfish for the first time in my life. I'm still thinking about it but I think I can't do it. I won't be able to go on with abortion I just feel it. So now I feel terribly scared and guilty next to Damien. I can't tell him, because he will be angry and I will lose him, but I can't not tell him, it's also his child and he has the right to know. 

-What is going on in this pretty head of yours? You are so quiet all of the sudden, is something wrong?- He is looking at me inspecting my face as we sit near the lake on some blanket we found. It's some sort of a picnic and it's so cute. I melted when Damien suggested it but I can't concentrate now. I faked a smile and took his hand in mine. 

-Oh I'm just thinking of living here. I would get used to this. I don't know french but how hard can it be? - He smiled and shook his head. 

-Nah... It's not that hard, I can even be your private teacher...- As he said that sinister smile appeared on his face and I rolled my eyes. 

-You are thinking about something dirty I can feel it. What is it?- I asked him, my own dirty thoughts appearing. 

-Well... I never thought about it but it can be some fantasy of mine. You dressed as a schoolgirl, me your teacher... I could work with that.- I blushed thinking all sorts of things we could do like that. 

-And what would you do? - I like this game. He looked at me his eyes becoming pools deep with desire and I live for that. As he leaned closer to me, pulling a strand of my hair away from my face, I heated up. He brushed my cheek lightly, then tracing my nose, my lips, like he is painting my face, noticing every detail. 

-Hm... I would make you dress up in some uniform... With your hair in two pigtails, blush on your cheeks, pink glossy lips... Ah yes... I can see it. You would make a nice blushing schoolgirl.- I chuckled at that and he pushed me to lie down as he hovered over me. 

-But I don't need that, I can work very well with what I have in front of me. - As he said that I couldn't breathe. Small things like that make me all worked up. I love his blunt words, I love how he makes me feel special. He closed the distance between us, kissing me slowly. At first, only tracing my lips with his tongue, slightly brushing them not letting me have a taste as his hand caressed my stomach and goosebumps appeared all over my body. That intimate act reminded me of a baby in me and I saddened but tried to appear normal. I wish he would be happy but I know that is not the case. He was specific about that, he doesn't want kids and I understand. At least I thought I understand. Now some part of me hopes that he would be happy because it's a child with me, not just any child. It's obvious there is something going on between us. Nothing was spoken directly but there is no need for it. We both feel it, so much has changed. I told him my deepest, darkest secret and he told me everything about himself, including the mafia part. Damien noticed me not being into it and he only lay down next to me bringing me to his chest.