Loud banging around the house woke me from my sleep. My head hurts and I've woken up so many times to feed Aurora that I feel like I haven't slept at all. I looked next to me to see if Aurora is awake too but when I didn't see her my mind went into a frenzy state. Where is she? What time is it? I checked my cellphone and it's already one in the afternoon. Which means Zachary is at work and I am alone at my house. So where is Aurora? While panicking I ran downstairs and my mind relaxed as I noticed Arianna with Aurora in her arms. She turned towards me and frown, noticing the state I am in.
-What's wrong? Oh, sorry If I have worried you. Zachary called me to babysit since you were still sleeping, he said you'll need help.- I nodded feeling slightly better now that I know Aurora is okay. How could I sleep through it all? I didn't even hear anyone come into the guest room.
-Do you want breakfast? I was just trying to make some scrambled eggs but it's difficult with this one. I just don't have the heart to put her back in her crib when she's looking at me with these doe eyes.- Arianna is speaking in full force and it makes me feel relaxed. I didn't see her enough lately, mostly because of my mission and I feel guilty about it too. She has been enormous support through my pregnancy and through everything ever since I married Zachary.
-That would be nice, let me take Aurora out of your hands.- She gave me my baby with a smile and my heart wormed as always when I looked at Aurora's eyes. They remind me so much of Damien. Wait a second, now it's visiting time at the prison... I guess I would be late even If I try to go now. Which I wouldn't... I made a promise, I can't go. But... Why didn't Zachary woke me? I have a feeling he... I mean so what if he really let me sleep in with purpose. I haven't been exactly reliable these days, I can't blame him. But it hurts anyway to think he doesn't even trust me to keep my promise. I didn't lie to him. I told him my plan and I agreed to almost anything he said so I never gave him a reason not to trust me. Well, that's not exactly the truth but still... Agh... I'm again making excuses for myself, I need to live up to expectations and stop with this nonsense.
-Are you even listening to me?- Arianna's slightly annoyed voice brought me back from my thoughts and I shook my head and smiled apologetically.
-To be honest, I wasn't listening. I was just admiring this beauty I created.- This made Arianna chuckle and I felt the tension lift from the air.
-Well I can't blame you there. You did a really good job, she is so gorgeous I can't even describe it. I wish I'll have one someday.- I saw the longing on her face and I smiled wanting to cheer her up.
-Of course, you will! You are young, and trust me it's never too late for this. You need to be happy on your own now so you will be content and able to give a good example to your child one day.- As soon as I said it it's like I heard how ironical that sounds coming from my lips and I have a feeling Arianna is thinking the same thing.
-And are you? Content I mean?- This made me stop and I lowered my head and murmured yes, slightly blushing thinking about how horrible opinion she must have about me now.
-Honey, I am here for you just so you know. You went to this crusade on your own and you don't even realize that you have people around you who care about you. I care about you and I want to be your friend. Even Zachary is really worried and I don't want to interfere but he is going through a hard time himself. Why are you staying in the guest room, are things so bad between you?- I have to ask the question myself first. I know how hard it is but things haven't been good in a while now. It's like we are constantly on the edge and the tension can be felt in the air around us.
-I don't know where to start Arianna. I have a huge dilemma and Zachary is only giving me ultimatums. I want to deal with things my way, but it bothers Zach so he wants me to stay aside and do nothing.- Arianna nodded in understanding and I can see the worry on her face.
-Is it really worth it? Is Damien worth it? I know you still love him and he is probably a good person somewhere inside but he hurt you. Is it worth it to go back to the person who constantly hurt you just because of some happy memories?- Now I wanted to roll my eyes but I can see that this question is something that she feels too.
-I didn't say I want to go back to him, I only want to help him.-
-But why? Why do you need to help him? Lawyers will help him, or private detectives, hell I don't know whom you can hire but you are not the only one who can do that. - Now I turned around to hide my scowl and to cool my head because I feel everyone is throwing that question in my face and my answers seem sillier every time I say them out loud.
-I don't want to have this conversation. I went through it with your brother and you are right, it's better if you don't interfere.- Now she sighed and poured eggs on a plate.
-Enjoy your breakfast. You need to cool down a bit and I need to know my place as it seems.- Her words are spiteful and a pang of guilt made its way into my brain. I didn't need to be so harsh, she is a friend and she has my best interest in her heart. I stopped her before she reached the door and she looked at me with tearful eyes which I didn't expect.
-Ari... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You are not interfering and I know you only want to help but I don't need help. I will handle this.- I told her the truth and a tear trace down her cheek before she wiped it quickly.
-You remind me so much of me it's unbelievable. I was in a similar situation. Do you know how hard was it to leave my ex? I was scared and I loved him even after everything. I thought I would never love anyone as much as I loved him. We had such a rough time but we also had great times. He treated me like a princess and he made me feel special. I thought his jealousy and possessiveness were just him expressing how much he cared for me. When he first hit me I thought I wasn't good enough for him. I won't spill my life story again and I know the situation is not exactly the same but the point is that I was in a toxic relationship and I know one when I see one. What you do for Damien is wrong. He hurt you and he will hurt you again. Even if it isn't intentional you still deserve better. He has enemies, he will be hunted no matter what he does from and the same people who hunt him will want to hurt you and your daughter. Do you want that life for her? Do you want her to be associated with such men? To one day hear awful things about her father's deed or to be hurt because of it? I know you wouldn't want that so let him go. You have a husband, and he will be a good father, you just need to let him. Trust me you weren't so deep into that world as me but the consequences will still be the same if you have ties with Damien. - My brain is working through the speech she's giving me but my heart is giving me excuses. Damien is not like that, and he wanted to get out of it but couldn't.
-Damien never treated me bad.- I said in a small voice and she snickered at me.
-Oh my God Desiree wake up! I know he did! No matter how many times he was good there were still times when he was awful. He has a fiancé now for fuck's sake! He left you, I don't know with which excuse yet he went and found a future wife for himself. That is not the behaviour of someone who has a woman he loves and a baby on a way.- Her words made me blush as I remember that woman who was with him at the mall and how he treated me then. But... But... It's probably with best intentions. He wanted to protect me, that is the only explanation.
-I only tell you these things because I love you and I care for you. Think about it... I will be back tomorrow to help with Aurora. See you then.- She didn't even wait for me to say goodbye as she left the house. Why are they all treating me like I'm some stupid teenage girl or brainwashed cult member? It's like I'm so stupid to make my decision. Is it so wrong to believe that people are good? That maybe Damien deserves more credit than they give him? My cellphone rang and I saw that it is the lawyer I hired. Agh... I can't handle it now. My headache is getting worse and I need to think about everything. Damien can wait for a while. He will not persuade me into getting his own way. Arianna is right. I forgot that he has a fiancé. I was caught in a moment and I would let him steer me in any way he wanted. I need to think and distance myself from him for a while. He has skilful lawyers and they will handle his case. After eating my breakfast and feeding Aurora I doze off into doing chores around the house until the loud knocking interrupted me. Who could this be so late in the evening? Zachary is still at work and he wouldn't knock he has a key. My heartbeat fastened remembering last time when I was in a similar situation. My palms are sweaty and I got close to the door, trembling a bit.
-W...Who is it?- I asked loudly and when I heard his voice my first thought was that I'm imagining it. How could this be? This is just fate playing tricks on me...

YOU ARE READING
My Guilty Pleasure
RomanceDesiree Diamond is working hard to get her life on the right track. She's working to gain respect, she's working so she could be independent, to be able to stand on her own two feet. She's keeping herself busy so she could escape from her abusive pa...