Don't Look Back

Chapter 34

Sidney had woken early and wasted no time to reach the shore. He did not make the effort on his disheveled appearance, opting instead for haste.

He knew he had stubble, and his hair was askew, but if the wind would allow his hat would stay on, and if not the wind would be blowing his hair about that where it lay would not matter anyway.

It was nearly sunrise as he waited with worry that this would be the last time he would speak to Charlotte. He had not even rehearsed or practiced what it was he wished to say, he just knew there was a lifetime of conversations that he felt compelled to attempt to condense into one meaningful conversation that would sustain him and hopefully free her, because no matter the outcome with his wife he did not wish the scandal upon her or her undeserving family of the drama of his ilk.

He sighed as he watched the sunrise thinking of her and her eyes under the light of the first ball they met and he felt his eyes shine wetly with the memory but his mouth smiled.

Then his mind wandered as the object threw brighter light across the sky he thought of how she had brought light back into his life again. Even now, married and seemingly hopeless he was the happiest and the most miserable he had been in five years and he was loathed to end it.

"I seem to find you in good spirits, Mr. Parker?" Charlotte's voice startled him.

He turned and his eyes softened as he turned. "I was afraid you would not come."

She cocked her head and looked at the morning sun. "I did not think it wise, but then I was kept up all night with worrying thoughts about it that I did not sleep a wink. So as the blue and purple light formed I felt I ought to try to sleep and ignore your request, but then I thought of you...out here waiting," she said sadly. "I could not do that."

Sidney smiled. "No?" he stepped hesitantly closer. "You are too tender-hearted even still to a man who could never deserve it?"

Charlotte frowned. "Deserve it?" she questioned. "Sidney."

Her mouth uttered his name and all his control snapped and he stepped closer to her. "Charlotte..." he whispered. "Charlotte..."

His mouth ghosted over hers in almost a fearful way but when she did not retreat he pressed more in earnest and he soon felt her hands upon his chest and he felt the world tilt and shift.

The wind blew the surf and it engulfed both of their ears as the most dazzling sunrise illuminated their embrace.

His hand moved gently to her neck and he knew he did not wish to let go of this moment but they could not just stand there near the surf kissing. All of Sanditon would soon see them.

Pulling his mouth from hers his lips pulled back almost ferally. "This was not what I meant when I asked you for a conversation," he whispered as he pressed his head against her forehead. "But when you said my name... I just... I had forgotten what it sounded like outside of my head." he still held her.

Charlotte pulled back from him a little remembering herself and their public position on the beach. Though they did not see anyone about, they could see the buildings and people could be looking out of any one of those buildings.

"I should not have." Charlotte's hand went to her mouth.

Sidney shook his head and reluctantly released her from his arms. "It was entirely my fault." but he could not move. "I still love you."

She felt herself gasp. "You should not say such things, you have a wife and a child..." Charlotte turned.

Moving to stop her retreat he took her hand. "She isn't my wife... Not fully in the sight of God," he whispered. "I just can't get out of the arrangement without hurting someone innocent and very dear to me."