Don't Look Back

Chapter 13

Charlotte took off the necklace she wore. The greenstone shone brightly in the candlelight but did not distract her as it usually did.

She had sent the servant away and wished to ready herself for bed. The emotions this visit had released inside her threatened to spill over and she was unable to breathe even now alone in her room.

Dropping the stone on the dresser she handled it with less care than usual and she pushed the back of her hand against her mouth to suppress a heartbroken frustrated cry.

It felt amazing, and thrilling to know Sidney still thought of her, but his words were a blur inside her head. She could not even recall what he had said. Once his words had echoed so reliably in her mind but now in the blur of the moment, she could not remember anything but his achingly handsome face. His full lips that said her name...

Throwing her brush she wiped at her eyes and was now frustrated at herself. She was acting like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. Picking up the brush she placed it delicately back on the table and took deep breaths to calm her champagne-fueled spinning.

Knocking came from the door and she inwardly groaned. "Yes?"

Opening the door Lady Suzan poked her head in. "Are you quite well my dear?" she asked.

Charlotte shook her head. "No, I am a foolish lovesick girl still in love with a married man with a family. I have never been so ashamed of myself," she said collapsing on the bed but still trying to stifle her emotions.

Susan smiled sweetly and entered in fully coming to the bed she gently took out some pins and tended to her hair.

"Why did you bring me here?" Charlotte asked pathetically.

Sitting up Suzan frowned. "There is money to be made here my dear, I thought to bring my horses. Then there was the fact you have not really entertained another gentleman in your mind or heart since. I thought better to get you to face the problem and move on."

Confused Charlotte sat up. "What?"

Softening her expression into the usual compassionate friendliness she was most accustomed to. "Sidney was in love with Eliza once. Idealized her," she said and her gaze dropped. "That was until he met her again, and saw the woman he thought he loved was gone." her voice was simple in tone. "He realized he could love you, his heart was free too and so he did... What he had not realized was that he had already fallen madly for you," she said in earnest. "I believe he first understood that at the Regatta, where you became aware earlier at the Ball in London."

Charlotte sighed frustrated. "Why are you telling me all this?"

The older woman wiped the tears from her face. "You need to face him to finally let him go," she answered. "But I must tell you, there are rumors I have heard that their marriage is a ruse."

Shaking her head Charlotte stood and paced a moment. "It does not matter. He is still married and has a family with her."

Susan shrugged. "You still needed to face him again. And I could not avoid coming back here now that its popularity is well established." she patted her hand. "I understand this is hard on you, but if you are ever going to let another in you must let Mr. Parker go in truth... not just in action."

Susan saw the confusion on Charlotte's face.

"You told me the story, I can picture it as if I were there." her friend continued. "He came after you just to give you both one more moment together. You both still stand on that cliff not letting the other go." Her elegant brow rose indicating she knew the truth. "How will either of you be happy again?" she asked.

Charlotte wiped at her cheek. "I am happy."

Susan shook her head. "No my girl. You are intelligent, charming, and lovely but I know the difference between agreeability and gaiety. You are a terribly sad girl lost in your books." she took her hand and patted it. "You are escaping even while I offer adventure you enjoy the distractions but they do not fulfill you."

Biting her lip in frustration thought Charlotte looked around confused. "What should I do?" she asked.

With a heavy sigh, Susan's expression fell a little. "Endure it I suppose."

Looking down nervous Charlotte focused on her. "What would you do? I mean, if you were put in my position?"

Lady Susan's eyes raised scandalized. "I am afraid you would not agree with how I would approach the situation. I am a hopeless romantic Charlotte... I could not begin to advocate the way I would act and have acted in the past."

Blushing crimson Charlotte looked away and reached behind her to pull on the ties at the back of her dress.

Susan stood. "You should have let the maid help you."

Relaxing as Lady Susan took over she glanced back. "You saw the state I was in... I did not wish for them to wonder." Charlotte explained.

Susan laughed. "You do not hide your emotions well do you my dear..." she laughed. "Neither does your Mr. Parker. Honestly, approaching you after all these years, alone on a terrace?" she chuckled. "No concern for his reputation or yours..." she laughed. "Do be careful my dear I am afraid that man could be in the midst of reckless misery. And that kind can be very foolish and lead equally foolish down the same path."

Charlotte's stomach dropped.

"Be on your guard my dear, and if you are of a mind to play that hand, do be very careful." She warned. "Lady Burrell would just love to sink her teeth into more gossip and spread it like the plague."

Loosening her dress Lady Susan smiled. "I will have a nightcap sent to you, and I want you to put the whole night out of your head as best you can. Tomorrow I am sure you have plans."

Charlotte nodded. "Esther wished to walk along the beach."

Lady Susan smiled and nodded. "I shall excuse you from the tea I was invited to by Mrs. Paisle." her eyes rolled. "You know how droll her company can be."

Charlotte nodded. "Thank you." as she picked up the emerald and handed it back. "And thank you for that. It was lovely."

Smiling she took the jewel and held it in her hand. "You looked lovely in it my dear," she said and turned kissing her on the cheek. "Sleep. Rest, Put it all out of your mind." she comforted.