Don't Look Back

Chapter 57

Eliza was anxious as she sat drinking her tea alone in her parlor. No callers had come for days, despite the nature of her condition being newly widowed. She had expected more sympathy, perhaps even some gestures from society as it had been when her first husband had died. However, in light of the scandal preceding Sidney's death, it was apparent that she should have managed the situation before leaving Sanditon.

Before widespread gossip had done its damage.

The Nightwatchman had come just the day before to ask her about Sidney and how he was before the event.

She had told him that she had visited him and he had been in a state, fighting. His hand was cut and he claimed his head bothered him. A lie, but convincing when it was considered that he enjoyed boxing.

Her heart hammered in her chest when the Nightwatchman told her he had found no confirmation of his presence on any boxing clubs on the night of his 'event', as he so-called it. A term that put her hair to stand and her gut to roll.

"A letter come in the post ma'am," her maid offered a small square which she recognized the handwriting instantly.

"Lord Sellac," her breath rushed out in a gasp as she reached for it, her hands shook as she went to open it.

Scanning the letter she felt a rush of emotions.

"This must have been lost in the post a day or more," she whispered as her fingers moved to her bottom trembling lip.

"Ma'am?"

Waving the servant's intrusive question off, Eliza moved to stand and go to the window. Biting her lip now she sighed relieved. He was coming, but by the date of the letter, he should already be in London. What could have delayed him?

Chewing her nail now she closed her eyes, unsure of what to do. Before it had been easy. Her first husband had been old. No one questioned a thing. The funeral was small because they were in the country. It had all been so much expedited, and none the wiser to the events that had transpired just days before his death.

Feeling queasy she took deep breaths as her fingers pushed back the curtains to take a look outside.

Carriages still rolled by, but the people of means seemed to avoid her side of the street. Anxiety rippled through her as she felt the wave of crashing sickness hit her and she buckled and turned to an urn in the corner.

Her hand went to her belly as she cursed the life that weakened her so but then blessed it for with its life more promise of elevation was to be hoped for.

Of course, it would likely still have to claim descendant from the Parker line, considering she would need to be in mourning for a year and a day. But Lord Sellac would know it was his child, and perhaps if a son he would be willing to adopt him legally.

The man but needed to know of the impending arrival come winter. Perhaps it would solidify her place beside him after a time.

A bell rang at the back of the house. Another place the post was delivered.

She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Another letter for you Ma'am." the same servant said with a worried expression.

Eliza reached for it impatiently for its contents to be known. Not even seeing the penmanship.

Sighing relieved she saw that it was indeed from Lord Sellac, and he had arrived in London two days before.

She frowned and her face creased showing her age.

"You look unwell." her servant said with concern.

She nodded. "I just..." she pointed to the urn at the corner. "Could you clean it up for me?"

Walking now she paced.

"No..." she whispered.

"I can explain," she muttered as she sat down on the chair by the fireplace which did not emit flame.

"Explain what ma'am?" the same servant asked now peeking in the urn and waving the putrid smell from her face.

Eliza waved her off. "It is no matter to you." she looked up worried and dropped the letter and sighed.

"Is there no fire today?" she asked now looking serious.

Carrying the urn the servant stopped. "Tis very warm." she protested. "Is it that you would be wanting a fire at this heated hour mistress? After so recently falling ill?"

Eliza looked cold and thoughtful to the black space that bore no licking flame. "Need I explain myself or defend my desires. I want a fire," she said now looking to reread the contents of Lord Sellac's letter.

It would not do.

He made no mention of seeing her as he had in the first letter and far too much was said in it of suspicion of evil deeds owed to her hand.

Stiffening her spine she watched as one of her other servants lit a fire. Once left alone she read the letter again, feeling cold weight fall upon her, fingers clutched at the paper now crinkling the sheets and crumpling them before throwing them with malice into the flames.

Sighing she looked at the consumed paper and felt her heart race with fear. Her lover did not seem nearly as happy that she had solved his problem of being dragged through the courts. He should be happy and more in love with her than ever.