Don't Look Back

Chapter 23

Sidney found himself at Grand View that evening allowed in by a cook which confused him since the manservant of the apartment should be at the door.

"Oh, Mr. Parker. Prompt." Lady Susan said seriously. Her face was wrinkled in concern.

Sidney smiled. "Ah yes, I have come as you asked." he nodded and looked to the stair wondering if Charlotte was there and avoiding him.

Lady Susan gestured for him to sit.

"Mr. Parker, as you know I am a wealthy woman...but my investments have slowed. It has come to my understanding that I must...Diversify my interests." she started and glanced at the clock.

Mr. Parker nodded. "And how can I be of service with that Lady Worcester?"

Her soft eyes looked sad and he wondered what had happened.

"I wish to build a stable. A large construction for the races here." she opened the leather folder in front of her. "I was hoping you could help me estimate the project and scout the perfect location for the building. Preferably close to the beach I imagine," she said.

He nodded. "How many horses should it stable?" he asked but his mind raced at this news. If Lady Susan Worcester was to invest what did that mean for Charlotte?

She shrugged. "100 with a squeeze?"

His eyes brightened. "Am I to understand this is not only for personal but also public use?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes, I wish to rent out stalls and fed for the elite who have come for the races. And I was wondering if you would help me start it?" she asked.

Sidney cleared his throat. "There is a good piece of land. Solid, not on shifting sands... It would be a jaunt for the horses. A proper horse path would need to be made." he said. It was on the cliff tops where he had first kissed Charlotte.

"I was thinking something closer to town. It would be a great show to parade the horses out on to the field. People would come from miles around just to see the great beasts up close."

He nodded. "I suppose you are right." he winced as he thought. "I will give it some thought. But I might ask...if there is to be a stable, would you be staying here for the next year?" he asked curiously.

She frowned and looked at him seriously. "I have given it some thought yes. Originally I was hoping to broach the subject with Miss Heywood to manage it all for me. Bringing her back here with me was supposed to warm her up to the idea of staying here at length... but things are not exactly going as planned." she said succinctly. "I think she may choose to go home to Willingden."

Sidney's face fell though he tried to hide it.

"I see that the notion troubles you." she ventured.

He cleared his throat uncomfortable with the topic. "Why yes... I mean Miss Heywood has in the past shown herself to be a valuable asset to the town and its..." he hesitated and the voice he uttered crackled with the final word. "...Endeavors. It comes as no surprise that you would see the same value in her."

Susan smiled knowingly. "You are still in love with her are you not?"

His brows raised and he uttered just a sound. "Hum." he scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I suppose she has told you about our past."

Lady Susan shook her head. "She did not need to. I saw how your ill-timed words at the Regatta five years ago troubled you so much that you made a minor scene while you ..." she smiled knowingly. "How did your wife word it? So hastily ran after a farm girl who was not your responsibility as she was." Lady Susan had no difficulty recalling the event. "Only a man so confused in love would have acted as you did."

He smiled tensely. The subject of hurting Charlotte at the regatta pained him for years among the other insults and pains he caused over their brief but intense connection. Causing her to cry had been a skill of his it would seem.

"I am not at liberty to speak of my feelings for Ch- Miss Heywood. That was five years ago. We both have changed much. Do I still bear tender feelings for the memory of our time brief though it was? Yes." He admitted. "But I am under no delusions that she is the same person I fell in love with half a decade ago." He shifted uncomfortably. "It seems clear that if she finds her time uncomfortable here then perhaps she should go home to Willingden."

No sooner had the words left his mouth did he regret them.

Lady Susan sighed and shook her head. "Your marriage is a sham." she leveled suddenly. "There are more than whispers," she told him softly.

Sidney stiffened. "Then I would hope you did not engage in those whispers," he said coldly.

"I am not a threat Mr. Parker. I am possibly an ally if you allowed me. I know judges, and the like if you were to.... It would bring scandal, but surely you are already on the precipice of scandal. Whispers are just the tipping point." her voice warned him but was not laced with malice.

He shook his head. "That may be the case but I have no wish to travel that path," he said leaning forward readying himself to leave. "I will look into-"

"Mr. Parker you do realize that you are now no longer in need of the woman, and she does you great ill, and this town..." she shook her head. "Why do you persist?"

Sidney looked away a moment in thought. He could not say how his throat tightened or his stomach jumped in his desire to do as she suggested. But just one little girl with sweet blond curls and a giggle that stole his heart flashed in his mind.

Flora would not live under that kind of scandal. And Lady Susan was right to remind him. It was time that he got his house in order and his wayward wife in hand. She had played her games long enough and far too publically for his taste.

Standing up he nodded. "I appreciate your concern, and I would again value your discretion, Lady Worcester. I cannot speak on Char-" he stopped and sighed frustratedly. "Miss Heywood I mean." he spat as if it offended him. "I do not wish to cause her pain."

Lady Susan shook her head. "Then stop with your persistence in your obvious expression of feeling Mr. Parker." she sighed. "The girl is grown up now and should be thinking of marriage and as long as she pines for you she will never settle on anyone." She put up her hand to stop his protest. "I know you don't knowingly harm, but you certainly are, for herself and you. If she goes back to Willingden she will never marry and be at the mercy of her family for the rest of her life. Is that what you want for her?"

He swallowed hard. It wasn't but neither was her finding a man and marrying him either.

"Prey excuse me, your Ladyship. The hour is late," he said and nodded. "I will get back to you on the business we discussed. Good evening," he said abruptly as he tried to tether his anger and rage, but not at Lady Susan entirely. He knew she was acting in Charlotte's best interest, but that meant being far from him.

The sun had gone down and he felt a stinging in the back of his eyes. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.

To the devil with it all. He would go seek out Crowe at the Crown and down a bottle...or three.