Don't Look Back

Chapter 12

"She seemed flustered." Lord Sellac sipped at his drink and looked to Eliza. "I imagine it was the meeting she had with your husband on the terrace."

Looking at the reaction of her face he smiled inside but let his face remain stoic.

"I don't know what you speak of." she fanned herself deeply embarrassed now to know that Sidney and Miss Heywood had talked even before she could, sent her into a momentary panic.

Now she could understand why the girl seemed overwhelmed. Was she afraid of ruination? The girl should be afraid. It would just take one word to the right woman and the girl's reputation would be in tatters.

Looking out to the dance floor she searched now for her husband among the crowd and knew he was not there.

"He is not here." Lord Sellac repeated her inner thoughts as he noticed her looking about. "Your wayward husband did not return from his brief encounter with the delectable Miss Heywood."

She glanced over to him and glared. "Do you enjoy this?" she asked about his teasing ways that evening.

Lord Sellac laughed. "I love to see you blush my dear," he whispered. "Come, there are some secret nooks we could find. Your husband obviously won't miss you."

Eliza looked at him her eyes now dancing. "I am still in rapture from earlier." she batted her eyelashes trying to reignite the tenderness and passion she believed they shared by pulling back a little

He chuckled and looked out before him. "Ah, I see you think to dangle the carrot." he laughed knowing her transparent game and lightly put his drink aside. "The lovely Miss Beaufort looks pluckable. Look at those pink rosy cheeks, and those begging lips... I think I shall ask her for the next turn."

Eliza gasped as he abruptly turned from her. "No, Lord Sellac, she is just a girl!" she protested knowing how the things Lord Sellac wanted could ruin her forever.

"Eliza," Tom said coming near stopping Eliza from being able to stop her lover from dancing with an innocent girl. "You are looking very fine."

Composing herself she smiled at her marital relations. "Thank you, as you do my dear Mary and Tom..."

Mary smiled but it did not reach her eyes indicating the repression of some emotions.

"Flora very much enjoyed her excursion with her cousins this afternoon," Mary said venturing a conversation with Eliza.

Eliza smiled. "That girl is a wild thing, I do hope the delicate nature of your girls rub off on her."

Tom smiled and cleared his throat. "Where is my brother Sidney, I saw him a short while ago, but now I have quite lost him."

Eliza shrugged. "You know him," she commented. "he often neglects me and keeps his attentions on his duties," she said with a cold pouting expression.

Tom sighed and nodded. "He does often does take on more responsibility than he should. I am coming to see that now."

Eliza shrugged. "I heard he was on the Terrace a short while ago. Perhaps he could be found there," she suggested.

Mary sighed. "We looked, and now we cannot find Lady Susan or Miss Heywood. It seems most of our connections are leaving."

Tom shook his head. "Lady Susan leaving so early must have made others think this ball was a bore," he said regretfully. "Perhaps I should have welcomed her better."

Mary touched tom's front. "No my dear. Perhaps it was other matters." she offered.

Eliza frowned and wanted to ask what other matters. What did Tom and Mary know regarding this farm girl and her husband?

"Come let us go speak to Miss Lamb and Sir Radmore before they too leave." Tom said and looked to Eliza, "I shall be glad to offer you escort home if you cannot locate my brother."

Eliza looked about ready to protest but a woman walking home with her lover would ruin her own reputation, but walking home entirely alone in the dead of night was even worse. She reluctantly nodded feeling burning resentment that she might require his offer for she found few as odious to ensure as Mr. Tom Parker. The only other person more so was the Lady Denham and she mercifully was far too unwell of late to attend balls.

Feeling utterly alone she sipped her champagne as she watched couples dance and she could see gaiety on their faces and it could not mirror her own. She felt utterly used up and tossed aside.

It was not that she wanted Sidney, but she had wanted him to desire her... It did not surprise her that he never did, she had been cruel to him in the past and for that, she did not put undue pressure on him. He endured her first for the sake of Sanditon, second for their reputation, and for the child.

But it was becoming harder to come by a discrete lover. Admiration was harder to come by when you approached your mid-thirties.

Fanning herself she tried to look like she was enjoying the spectacle but she was not. She wished to be back in London where no one was paying any attention too closely and she could slip away but even that felt pathetic.

Waving her fan, with the charming illumination of the chandeliers she looked beside her and found no one willingly at her side. No one who truly wished to be there.

Sidney had been that way once when they were young. Eager with a soft devoted smile, hanging off her every word.

Lord Sellac was nothing like that. He was twenty-six and acted the ruler of them all. He did not need her and it seemed though she admired him, his looks, his wealth, and his title, he did not admire her, and it seemed increasingly obvious he was tiring of her after their six-month affair.
She flushed, the reddening spread to her neck as she felt increasingly hot.

Putting the drink down she fanned herself and went to the terrace for some much needed cool air.