Don't Look Back

Chapter 22

Lady Susan smiled at Charlotte. "You were...very sharp in there my dear."

Charlotte nodded. "I was wasn't I." She looked put out. "I suppose I owe her another apology." she grimaced as they strolled. Allyson was on the other side of Charlotte.

"Another apology?" Allyson asked. "You mean to tell me you offend that frightening old woman often?" she asked. "Why?"

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "She is a good sort of person, but she does like to tease and sometimes forgets to watch her words, and I confess when I am around her I often forget mine." she sighed heavily. "So it is not fair to judge her too harshly Allyson."

Lady Susan eyed her perceptively. "I quite like her," she said decidedly.

Allyson walked backward before them. "How Lady Susan? She did not seem to approve of you at all!"

Chuckling Lady Susan nodded. "Not all people will approve of me, or my actions my dears. I accept that, but despite her disapproval, I have decided that I quite like that fractious old woman. I also think she is a good ally in this town am I not wrong?"

Charlotte shook her head. "No you are not wrong," she said bracing herself for the questions that spun in her mind. Lady Denham firmly had a poor opinion of Eliza but shockingly had changed her views on Sidney. She smiled now walking back to Grand View and imagining him pouring over designs and she wondered if he had found it a great escape from his burdens.

She almost envied that he had projects to work on to distract him from troubles. One thing being with Lady Susan caused her was to feel useless. Of course, she kept Charlotte busy with studies or French and music lessons, but it never felt much use to her. She would much prefer to have a grand building in the place of all her efforts leaving a more noticeable mark on the land as Sidney had once challenged her.

Her cheeks burned as she realized she had nothing to show for her life of five years, but Sidney had this town. He had accomplished so much.

Back at Grand View Charlotte flowed Lady Susan into the parlor while her sister ran upstairs.

"A stable?" she asked throwing down her gloves.

Lady Susan turned and shrugged. "What?" Why so much disapproval?" she eyed Charlotte seriously.

Charlotte sighed and blinked. "I don't know, but it sure sounds like you are planning on spending more than this season here."

Susan nodded. "Astute of you my dear. I am pondering on it. There is a marvelous opportunity here and made all the better by Lady Denham's conservative attitude on the matter. It means she will not expand her stables as competition."

"But then..." she blinked.

"I will need to work closely with Mr. Sidney Parker in negotiating the proper things one needs for such a venture." she blinked. "Afterall lady Denham spoke most highly of him."

Charlotte nodded and sighed. "It would be to your benefit to do it. And it would help Sanditon grow surely... But did Lady Denham have a point about young men and lost fortunes?"

Lady Susan nodded. "Yes she did have that point, but there will always be bets and men with fortunes to spend but there will also be ladies here to turn their heads will they not?" she chuckled. "To distract them from emptying their purses too readily?" she offered.

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "What about the Prince Regent?"

Lady Susan shrugged. "What about him?" she asked dismissively.

Charlotte sat and sighed from the heat. "You are avoiding him are you not?"

Susan pursed her lips. "You know my dear Prinny hates to be ignored."

Shaking her head Charlotte looked disappointed. "So this is all some kind of game to you isn't it?"

Lady Susan looked hurt. "Charlotte?" she asked shocked.

Charlotte suddenly felt very ashamed. Lady Susan had been more than good to her over the years.

"I am sorry," Charlotte said and pressed her hands to her face embarrassed. "I don't know who I am today. I don't really feel myself." she sighed.

Lady Susan sighed. "No, I must apologize. I thought it a good idea to bring you back here... To help you move on." she sighed frustrated. "To help myself see what you were so excited about here. As a distraction." she sat down making Charlotte felt all the more sorry for her selfishness.

Lady Susan composed herself a moment and then looked to her resigned. "I should have talked to you about this before. But I thought, why trouble you when I had not made up my mind? I intend to approach Mr. Sidney Parker about building a racehorse stable. That will mean even when we are back in London your association would continue. That is... Unless you decide to leave me." she said nervously. "Of course I don't wish you to leave, and I have thought on it long and hard..."

Charlotte's mind was swimming at the decided way Lady Susan was talking.

She would never be free of this ache. The terrible gnawing need she had for someone that never was hers. They only just begun the conversation when it was so tragically cut short. She could ignore it while away from all thought of him, but she was just fooling herself.

"Excuse me." Charlotte stood and raced from the parlor and to the street. Her bonnet, shawl, everything was left behind and she raced down the path to the open sandy beach and leaned forward as breath came in sharp gasps.

Looking up and down the beach she could see people at leisure and a few ponies running in
the surf.

Turning west she decided to walk as far as she could go. Perhaps running from her problems would give her clarity.

She raced until breath could not come and she collapsed on her knees in the wet sand.