Don't Look Back

Chapter 68

The sound of children's laughter caught Sidney's attention as he sat on the chair which Crowe had arranged for him on the veranda. The air was cool, but the sun was bright, and he could see its yellow behind his closed eyelids.

"Papa!" came a cry of a cherished voice, and his breath caught.

"Flora?"

Sitting up in the chair, he lounged in. He looked in the direction the voice came.

"Papa!" the voice was near to him, and before he could prepare for her, his little girl launched herself tearfully into his arms. "Papa, I heard people whisper things."

He kissed the top of her head. "What did you hear, my dearest?"

She shook her head. "I heard you might be dead, but Miss Charlotte never believed it."

His heart stopped. "Miss Heywood, is she here?" he asked, hugging her to him tightly as he cradled her now on his lap. Though five and big, she could still fit there.

"No, she..." Flora hushed her voice. "I heard her say to Lady Susan that you did not want to see her."

His breath hitched. "So she did not come with you?" he felt his stomach drop. He had not wanted her to see him weak or diminished, but somehow the idea that she had come filled him with emotion and need.

Flora shook her head. "She is with Lady Babington."

Sidney relaxed into his chair with an air of sadness but took her with him. "Ah, so she is back in Sanditon. It is a wonder that she sent you. You must have made the journey with Lord Babington, or perhaps...."

"No papa, Lady Babington is here. Just Miss Charlotte knows you do not wish to see her." Flora spoke over him. "Papa, what is wrong. You are not looking at me."

He winced. "No, my dear girl. I am having trouble with my eyes, and I am weak as a kitten."

She did not believe him as he felt her hands touch his cheeks.

"Not my papa." she denied. "He is strong, like... Buffalo."

He laughed. "Buffalo?"

She nodded. "Strong."
He shook his head. "No, I am afraid I am not quite the strength you last saw. It is the reason I worry Miss Heywood would see me like this."

Charlotte frowned and wiped a tear. "See you like what, Mr. Parker?" she challenged him. "I see no alteration."

He turned to her voice, and his eyes searched the space.

"Charlotte?" his voice croaked.

Her voice did not come right away, but Flora shifted in his arms.

"Miss Charlotte," she greeted. "Papa says he is not well, but I know he is strong."

He swallowed anxiously as he knew now she was near.

"Of course he is, but perhaps he is tired." Her voice was strained with emotion she seemed to try to hide. He could hear it.

"Flora, would you give me a moment with Miss Heywood?" He wanted a moment to speak without veiled words.

Flora huffed. "You are going to talk about secrets. So many secrets right now." she hurried off his lap and ran off to find her friends.

"Would that I could see you," he whispered.

"You cannot?" her voice was soft and close but just out of reach. He wanted to put out his hand for her but was afraid to.

He nodded. "I am beginning to see outlines if it is bright. That is why I like being in here."

"What did she do to you?" Her voice moved, and a shadow covered the light he could see.

He shook his head. "They could not identify the poison. Indeed, it could have been a few. The effects were inconsistent with any one type."

Suddenly he felt her hand touch his stubbled chin, and he closed his eyes. Her touch reached deep inside him to a nerve that pained him so much. His hand swept to hers, and he crumbled.

"Charlotte," he whispered. "I am free, but now scandal of the worst nature plagues me. I have no hope to earn your father's approval, and that is if I don't hang."

She leaned in close to him.

"If you fear too much for my reputation, if you worry overmuch, I understand," she whispered. "I will go."

Her voice seemed to break, and he knew she must have been crying. Her hand went to leave his.

"Charlotte, no." he gripped all the tighter. "No."

Her hand wilted against his stiff iron hold.

"I love you." he felt the tears come uncontrolled. "I ruined everything so many times."

She hushed him. "I love you."

He pulled her close. "I don't want you to leave me." The confession fell from him as his arms pulled her close.

She took hold of his face in her hands and cradled him. "If you cannot offer marriage, this is ruination."

He shook his head. "I do offer marriage as soon as the case is settled. But your father surely would never approve. A scandal, and blind man."

"I agree; he may not approve." She took her other hand to his face, and she brought her nose to his. "But I don't need my father's approval. I am over twenty one that is, if you want me."

Sidney shook with desire and need.

"Charlotte," he whispered in the bright veranda. "Will you do me the great honor-"

"Yes," she said, hurrying him before another possible interruption.

He smiled, thinking it was finally wonderful to have an answer to the question he had longed to finish asking her for over five years.

He could not see, but he did not need to. He could remember her hair windswept from their first on the cliffs, the second in the street, and their third most recent. He drew them to mind as he pressed her against him and thanked the high heavens that she was here now.

"My admiral Heywood will finally be my wife," he said once they came up for air. "I don't wish to waste any time," he said, pulling her back to him.

He did not see how she blushed.