Don't Look Back

Chapter 14

Crashing in the door late Sidney blinked drunkenly. Stumbling and clumsy but he managed to put his cane in the thing, he could not recall the name of it and he laughed. His anger was burning inside him but he only found mad humor.

"Sidney, what have you been doing tonight?" Eliza asked now dressed down into her knight rail and her robe.

He stepped closer and she backed up. She almost thought he was propositioning her which she knew he would never do so instead she was afraid. "Sidney, what are you doing?"

He slid his hands around her throat. "You know it would give me great joy to choke the life out of you right now?" he said. "But I don't fancy being a murderer," he said squeezing her all the same making her heart pound.

"You are drunk. Sidney, whatever has come over you?" Eliza questioned. "Please, I will scream."

He looked at her coldly. "Scream." he challenged still fighting his inner demon that wanted her dead. Eliminated, like a cancer excised.

She felt tears rolling down her eyes she was so frightened. "What is it, you never put your hands on me!" she cried.

He nodded. "Yes, but you have never gone so far as I have found tonight."

Eliza's hand went to her stomach fearful. "What do you mean?" she asked her breathing difficult.

He squeezed once again. "You have told your lover too much about our personal arrangement."

She sighed and grabbed his hand, "Oh is that all, Lord Sellac is trustworthy. And he does not know anything important. Just that we are not intimate."

He shook his head. "I am warning you. It is not just your own reputation Eliza, it is all of ours that hang in the balance," he said coldly.

She pulled his relaxed hands from her. "You should listen to yourself. With that Heywood girl, on the terrace." she tried to act shocked and angry. "Lord Sellac saw you and guessed something." Eliza shook her head. "If only Miss Heywood knew what a brute you were she would-"

Sidney raised his hand to hit her but refrained. "I have never hit a woman I'll be damned if I start now." he turned feeling the alcohol-fueled rage. "Do you never think of anyone but yourself woman!" he shouted.

She shushed him angrily. "Really Sidney, you will wake all the servants."

He grunted. "Or Flora. She does not need to see us continually at odds," he muttered regretfully. "Miss Heywood knows exactly the kind of man I am. Five years ago she was open to my attention."

Eliza glared feeling territorial. Whores she could abide, but a lover she could not. Her claws were too weak against real feelings.

"You can't be serious." she scoffed. "Of course she was, you were a wealthy man, and she a simple country girl!"

Sidney turned to face her solidly. "Miss Heywood had no designs on me until I gave her cause to. I led her on, and convinced her to feel something more for me." he cursed still drunk and shocked he could carry on a conversation. "But in the end, I was not as free as I thought I was." he laughed. "You know I only married you for your money and convinced by your lies..." he said and smashed the vase.

Eliza shook her head. "I am going to bed. I will hear no more of this. You will cease your drinking when we are together do you understand?" she demanded.

Sidney shook his head. "No, you are not really and truly my wife but you have us locked in this sham forever. And it is Flora that you owe thanks to for your protected reputation. I would not harm that girl for the world." he vowed. "She deserves better than you."

Eliza slapped him hard and he shook his head. "Careful Mrs. Parker, your prisoner has become the jailer. You have no power over me anymore. Just Flora." The drink made him bold and angry.

A bolt of fear ran through Eliza as she ran from the room hyperventilating. What was Sidney going to do?

"Momma?" came a little voice from down the hall.

She glared at the child. "Where is your nurse!" she shouted. "You wretched girl never sleep when you are told to," she shouted.

Sidney brushed past her. "There is Papa's little princess. Tired I dare say," he said forcing a smile for her benefit. "Let me tuck you in, I think nurse Willa neglected to tuck you in tight enough."

The little girl relaxed as her father scooped her up and shielded her from all her concerns. Her head nestled and rested on his shoulder in utter trust and surrender that even his anger ebbed from him.

Flora had been the only good thing to come out of his emotional ruin.

"You spoil her." Eliza accused.

Sidney turned and glared. "And you neglect her."

Eliza glared. "She is my daughter." her voice like icy venom.

Looking at the child in his arms. Her little ones hugging him tightly as her eyes closed in exhaustion.

"Yes," he looked to the woman. "You are her mother. That should mean something but it means nothing to you."

Eliza turned from the scene and slammed the door locking it as if he would ever venture in her personal lair. He never had, but it was the statement of it. She would not allow it now.

Outside Sidney held the child and soaked in her calm and soothing breaths before carrying her to her bed and laying her down, tucking the blankets in around her.

"I love you, papa," she whispered as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"And I you, sleep well princess," he whispered. The regrets of the last five years released with heartbreaking gentleness of the love of an innocent child.