The Brainy Rebel

TBR 34

Maxine Valdez

Napagkasunduan nga namin na today, Friday, pupunta kami kina Nate. For a visit, bawi doon sa naudlot na surprise niya para sakin, at saka para makillala nila si Marg. Nate's parents and sister knew about my relationship with my mom. Kaya naiintindihan naman nila kung bakit sa ngayon ay si Margaret pa lang ang ipakikilala ko sa kanila.

I called Marg to ask her of her whereabouts. Napag-usapan kasi namin na magsho-shopping muna sila ng friends niya tapos dadaanan ko na lang siya sa mall.

"Marg? I'm on my way there. Where exactly are you?"

[Chef Depot, buying cookware.]

"Really? Ano namang ginagawa ng isang Margaret Valdez diyan?"

[Duh. Buying presents for your boyfriend's father! Kasi diba, he's a chef. Bumili na rin ako ng healthy drinks para kay Tita Mommy ni Kuya Nate. Ayoko ngang pumunta don ng empty-handed. And Ate, sa Patchi mo na lang ako daanan.]

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Patchi? That's one hell of a chocolate store! Super delicious yet super expensive! And when I say super, I mean super! "What the heck are you gonna do there?"

[I will buy presents nga! Doon ako bibili ng para kay Ate Natalie! Ang kulit mo, Ate!]

"Fine, whatever. Lagot ka kay Mommy once she sees her card's bill. Mahal mahal ng delicacies diyan."

[I'm using cash, okay. Money.]

I had my eyes wide open when I remember about my lost wallet. Damn, this kid! Kaya pala sobrang lakas gumastos! I'm sure she's using my money!

"Margaret!!!"

[Yes, Ate?]

"Allowance ko 'yan! Bigay sa akin ni Uncle Mio!"

[Ate kasi! Bakit ba kay Uncle ka pa umaasa ng allowance? You have Mom at home.]

"Do you seriously think pagkakagastusan non ang buhay ko? Of course not! I'm just her pet dog! Pagkain lang ang ibibigay niya sakin."

[Ate Maxine, that's not true... I'm sorry.]

"I'm fine... It's alright... J-just hurry up. Malapit na ako."

Hindi ko na hinintay na ibaba pa niya ang tawag, ako na ang nagbaba.

I stopped at the red light and started wondering what I'm feeling right now. Because no, this is not pain, sorrow, sadness, or anything even close to those. Sobrang... malabo. Hindi ko ma-explain iyong nararamdaman ko sa bawat araw ng buhay ko. Gusto kong maramdaman 'yong sakit pero parang wala. Nawawala. 'Yong saya? Tuwing sumasaya ako, nawawala rin. Wala akong maramdaman. But that was before Nate. When he came, I started feeling emotions. Parang nabuhusan ako ng kumukulong tubig at naramdaman ko lahat ng pwede kong maramdaman. That was just when I knew how feelings complete me as a person. Noon, sa bar, I thought being numb is good, better even. Kasi wala akong pwedeng maramdaman. I'm free from everything. But when I started feeling again, I realized that being numb was never good. Na mas okay palang masaktan kaysa maging manhid.

—

"We're here, brat."

Inirapan niya ako habang tinatanggal ang seat belt niya. "Wow. It's nice hearing that from a brat herself."