Heartstrings

Chapter 12: First dance.

Older people usually asked me, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' I always said 'I wanna be a doctor in order to help sick people' but the truth is, I don't know what I want to be or who I want to be when I grow up because sometimes, I feel like I don't even know myself but there's one thing that I am very certain about..

I love seeing my mom happy, especially without Dad. He's probably out there thinking we are suffering without him but I'm pretty sure we'll be just fine without him.

So here I am standing on the doorway that leads to the living room, watching my mother laugh, smile and mingle with all our lovely neighbors who made it to her birthday celebration.

The Adams made her a big fat velvet cake while the rest of the neighbors brought presents. My mom is so nice to everyone, hence why they all love her. unlike me, I'm so antisocial it hurts sometimes.

Nick is here as well, but I'm not exactly talking to him after what Jason mentioned in his car the other day.

I wish Amanda was here but her parents kept her in cause they think she has been acting weird lately and honestly, I couldn't agree more.

Stuck with you starts playing and my heart jumps with Joy. Aw, I love this song.

I smile as all the couples start slow dancing, my mom is dancing with Nick's mom, heck even little Adam has a partner.

My eyes lock with Nick's, he sips on his drink, never losing his gaze.

Don't you dare!

He starts walking towards me.

Ah shit shit shit, he's Nick, of course he dared. What should I do? Should I run upstairs?

'like a little child?' asks my inner voice.

Crap! I really don't wanna dance with him, I'd rather die in a ditch somewhere.

He doesn't say anything when he reaches where I'm standing, he just let's his hand out and waits for me to take it. I hesitate before placing my small hand in his large one.

He leads me to the dance floor where everyone else is dancing, I wrap my shaking arms around his neck while he slowly holds my hips.

Why do his hands on my hips feel like everything?

He leans his face in my neck and inhales, "You smell so fucking good." He whispers. I smile. He has a dirty mouth on him.

No, I will not. Shall not engage!

I'm kinda new at this slow dancing thing so I keep stepping on his shoes from now and then.

"Sorry." I apologise for the fifth time.

"Have you never slow danced before?" He asks, looking down at my feet.

Is it that obvious?

"Are you saying I suck at dancing?" I try not to make eye contact.

You know you suck at dancing.

"No, it's just that you seem really tense and you keep stepping on my shoes, it's almost like this is your first time dancing." His voice is raspy. I look up at him looking down at me and I gotta ask, would I have been this good looking if I were a boy?

This guy is blessed with a lot of good features, nice hair, nice face, nice body, nice voice, nice lips and he smells like the faint scent of lavender on a rainy day.

And what am I saying?

"I need a soda." I let go, rushing to the kitchen.

I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

My phone vibrates in my back pocket, I grab it to find a text from Dad?

*Wish your mom a happy birthday for me will you? I miss and love you both*

Bull.

I'm not going to reply because I don't want him to reply afterwards, I'm not ready to have that kind of talk with him yet.

Feeling like I can't breathe, I get out of the house.

It's chilly outside which is exactly what I need, I look up at the stars, remembering the time when my Dad used to tell me stories about how stars are guardian angels watching over us from above.

I believed him, I believed everything he ever told me.

Nick joins me outside with a piece of cake in his hand.

I really wanted to be left alone.

"Saved you the last piece." He brings it up to my mouth like he wants to feed me. again.

I look at him and the cake suspiciously before taking a bite, my lips brush against his fingers, he stares at my lips as I chew, I clear my throat to draw his attention to my eyes.

"Shit, sorry." he scratches the back of his head, looking elsewhere.

I wish he could just tell me what he was thinking when he looked at me like that.

What else? Allison, what else?

No, I will not engage. Snap out of it!

"What do you want from me, Nickolas?" I ask while chewing slowly, my voice comes out as a low snarl.

He squints his eyes at me like I've just asked the most weirdest question ever, well it is a little weird of me to ask him something like that out of nowhere but I have my reasons.

"I don't quite follow." He shakes his head.

"First, you tell me to be friends with you and then you go around telling your friends that I stalk you from my window then you pretend and act all dumb." I accuse.

He chuckles, like it's funny.

"I'd love to be inside your head, just to see the source of all these beautiful ideas." he jokes.

"I'm not kidding, Nick, I'm serious, I don't believe you want to be 'just friends' with me all of the sudden." I air quote just friends.

"Are you asking me out?" He wiggles his perfectly shaped eyebrows.

Concentrate Allison!

"No, I'm not asking you out, you dummy, I'm being serious and you're being... You." I feel so irritated.

I'm mad but I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at my Dad, the world that happens to have Nick in it and I'm mad at myself.

"Parker, it's no big deal, Jason is my friend, we just joked about it, that's all." He shrugs, like he's dismissing the issue.

"Don't call me Parker, my name is Allison and I don't think Jason took it as a joke-"

"Allison, do you think I'm trying to get in your pants or something?" He asks out of the blue, his tone dead serious.

Glad we're getting on the same page.

"I don't know, are you?" I ask, folding my arms over my chest.

He closes his eyes, tilting his head back and gripping the back of his neck with both his hands.

"Jesus, I'll do anything you want me to do at this point, all you have to do is tell me." he looks back at me, shoving both his hands in his pockets.

Anything? My mom's birthday might be my lucky day. There's only one thing that I want from this fool who also happens to be hot.

"I want you to leave me alone, don't speak to me, don't look at me, don't even talk about me. From now on I don't exist in your world and you definitely don't exist in mine." I declare.

Nick flashes a disappointed look on his face before he gets rid of it with a grin and he straightens himself out.

"If that's what you want then okay, I'll leave you alone once and for all." He takes one last look at me, "I guess I'll see you around, asshole." He walks into the dark night, leaving me standing alone on the porch.

Good.