Vent

Its funny

I've noticed certain patterns in my behavior that just make me laugh at myself..

the constant hook, line, sinker
the begging, and the pick-me-ness
it's gross..
Yes, those were just how I genuinely felt in those moments, but that only makes it worse
because it's not a conscious decision

i tell myself,
he's gotta know
yeah, probably.
but to him, you, and myself
these are just words on a screen.
emotion is not permanent, and someone else's
emotions, well
even less so. someone could
flood you with their problems and yet,
you'll leave having forgotten it completely.
same old same old.

the truest irony of it all,
the funny part?
im not hiding from it
truth be told, i know the feeling in my chest isn't
there for no reason,
regardless of how he feels, that strive for love because
i just feel it. because
i just know it.
that feeling is addicting
it's depressing, and soul crushing
but it keeps my heart beating.

i hope there comes a day,
where we can look into each other's old
tired eyes
face to face
and find peace
because until then,
ill keep my bleeding heart