Vent

linger

people look at me with a strange look
when they ask if I'm dating someone and they're met with disgust, and a quick
"I don't date"
As if I'm a dumb, angry child

the truth is
the feelings still float around in my chest
during my loneliest hours
i feel the phantom touch of his rough hands
the smoke soaked sweater that I thought smelled
so amazing
the dramatic on and offs,
fucking him while we were supposedly
"Broken up",
just to make it more complicated
the betrayal of your close friend having plotted to steal your man, and he was in on it the whole time

I still feel the weight of these things
all of the romance and love
while I don't actively think about them,
when I close my eyes to rest at night
I feel the absence in my bed

I haven't met anyone in the last handful of years who I've genuinely considered building a relationship with for longer than a couple weeks at most
Because the reminders are too strong for me to ignore forever

sigh.
closure seems so far away, and I doubt any of them would even want to meet me,
not that I blame em, exes are exes for a reason
but I can always think of the possibilities
that transpire from the linger