Vent

Accept

I like to put others needs before my own.
I like to help people.
I wish I could say I'm selfless though.
But, I am not.
I developed very thick skin because everyone around me always tried ripping through it.
I had my own back, that's all I've ever had.
No one else will take care of me, no one else understands the way my head works.
I'm not good with people.
I learned to isolate myself and protect myself, and I will until I die.
I wish I knew more about why I think and feel the way I do, but I don't and I can't apologize for that.
I make it very clear to everyone who meets me that I am not an outwardly emotional person, but that I will always try to make them happy.
It's never my Intention to hurt anyone, but somehow i always end up being the one holding a knife.
That seems to be the final act of most, if not all, of my relationships no matter how careful I am.
Not matter what I try to do to be good, i fuck it up and then you think I'm a monster.
Maybe I am, and I just need to accept it.
I can't change who I am, and as I convenient as that may be, it's the undeniable truth.
I can not control how others see me.
All I can do is control how I see myself.

Sometimes, you're the beast in your own story.
I accept that.