Vent

d word

im not an addict
i don't think it's possible to be addicted to THC, maybe I'm wrong though in which case I'm fucked
Though that's not shocking.
Most of my life the last few weeks has been snow piling on top of my head like cinder blocks on glass.
I feel trapped in my own head, abused by my own thoughts.
I need some way to take it away, to take the nothing away and replace it with drug nothings which just make you feel like you're just floating down a river on your back.
I don't think I'm an addict
When I find myself stuck in bed, in the same clothes for days because i have no will to do anything for myself like laundry
So who's always there for me?
The sweet sweet choking fuck burn that is my bong.
She keeps me warm, and she listens when i speak.
I give her flame and she gives in return sweet euphoria.
The delightful nothing.
You climb the hill, drag after drag
Rip after rip
Seeking new heights, new thrills,
a further fall
When you peak, you can stretch your arms and prepare for anything.
When it all suddenly snaps into background noise, your heart beat being the only thing tethering you to your body, god I fucking love it.
I don't have to think about the fact that I am bitterly alone, and it seems like no matter what route I take it just gets thrown into my face with a fist to follow and I'm exhausted.
The highs are high
And then you come down
The feelings come back
The noise comes back
Reality becomes a new and unfamiliar world, the colors not as bright as they were.
Then you realize you're sober
and you do the whole fucking thing again