Vent

Pennance

god.. it took me so long to realize

how was I so blinded?

by my own desperate hopes,

maybe my search for the part of me I've lost

but this is a loop

a cycle

penance for my selfish sins

for all the lies, and mind games

you were my journal,

before this sad collection of thoughts I have here

the first time i was desperately pleading

for you to acknowledge me

after you said....

well,

after I thought

that i was the one...

that your neon dreams were in the shape of me

that when we were together, everything was just

good. and okay.

i loved you so deeply...

love...

and then.... Silence

you saw me reaching for you,

after I'd given you everything I was

and you turned your cheek....

i needed you,

i needed the man who said i was his soulmate

i needed the man i made love with until the sun came up

You lied...

you said you would stay,

and that i was your other

it would be one thing if we just had great sex and then never spoke again

I've got a long list of those, most of which I couldn't tell you the names of

but my heart was full of sweetness

that turned to be sweet nothings

within a week.

but even then,

when you replied?

after over a year of radio silence

I was elated.

I was beside myself with joy, and relief

i clenched my teeth as you brandished your relationships to me,

including the one...

that one....

id say i don't hate her,,

well, i don't

im angry with her.

she met you, and then...

she was your one.

your heart was in her hands,

and what happened?

she pulled it apart

she shredded the love that existed in the man...

that I thought was my guy...