Vent

Tired. So.. tired.

I've tried every trick in the book. Booze, drugs, parties, sex, isolation. Nothing works.
I feel joy around my friends, I love them with all that I can.
But when I lay my head on my soft, mint green frog pillow and shroud myself in blankets
I can't help but feel a never ending exhaustion with being a conscious, living human being.
Numb
Completely disconnected from the world around me, and myself.
I can't fight it. Coping doesn't work. Cigarettes don't work. Weed doesn't work.
I don't know what to do to feel connected again.
Maybe it's years of putting others before myself, and neglecting my own problems until they fester and boil over the edge.
Maybe it's focusing too much on the troubles in my life.
Who knows.

But whatever it is,

I am so.. tired.
So tired.
I want to feel. I want the happiness I experience to last, but it fleets like winter.
It's cold embrace still lingering on my skin, spewing ice from my tongue and fingertips.
My body is warm, my heart is icy.
Equilibrium is the goal.
I don't know how to balance my emotions, or my temperament.
I'm so tired.
I want nothing more than to be alive.
Truly alive. Not surviving.