Vent

quiet

ive always been quiet
regardless of who's around me
alone or next to many,

i don't have much to say,
because my brain doesn't process every little thing
unless it needs to

i see through people when I meet them,
their intentions
their energy
so unless i have a reason to interact with someone
i don't
i don't need to gather any more information, so bluntly, i don't care
or, want
to know anything about
the people i will never meet again

i don't believe in speaking useless words,
in an environment they're not needed
or welcomed

jokes go over my head,
i struggle to differentiate between humor and insult
simply because i unfortunately forget
not everyone is the way i am

not everyone's head ticks like a melodic clock
and mostly
not everyone feels the shame,
and the embarrassment
not everyone has a physical reaction to "cringe"
to the point even listening to someone
speak out of their ass,
nonsense babbling that serves no purpose
that educates no one,
solves no problem,
causes me to wince
and desperately try to drown out the sound

i feel second-hand embarrassment on another level
social shame runs so deep into my core
i refuse to make an ass of myself
i refuse to be a burden
i refuse to disrupt a process with my intervention
i refuse to be the weirdo
i refuse to be a loser

im not popular,
because I don't like to speak
i have always been quiet
my head is calm
focusing on the task at hand, and then
the next
that's all