Vent

faceless lover

I like to put myself in these little scenarios in my head

the dumb romantic nothings of a life I've sworn off but still enjoy fantasizing about, never cease their appearances in my daydreams

Though it only exists in my head, it's the closest I have to the sensation of togetherness.
I feel the love, even though my bed remains empty aside from my own lifeless husk.
I feel the nerves in my skin reacting to this imaginary partners touch.
I feel it all.

The feeling of arms wrapped around me, or my arms likewise around someone else
smiling like idiots, simple but sweet
noticing the tiny specs of color in each other's iris'
the feeling of a hand grazing over my own, hesitant to slip its delicate fingers underneath to hold mine.

When I look up to see who I'm with,
A blurred void stares back at me
I can't make out any features on their face,
just nothingness.

I have no one to fill the place of my lover, even in an imaginary world full of roles I cast myself.
Am I so far disconnected from love that I can no longer even imagine myself next to another person.

who are you, faceless lover
who's presence do I feel, or are you
a split part of myself that I made to not feel
so forgotten
alone