Vent

ledge

sometimes late at night
when the towns gone still
and the wildlife sings

i catch myself standing on a cliff
looking over at an ocean of insanity
a deep pool of pity and vengeance
of loneliness and acceptance

with each glance,
each backwards thought
pebbles escape from beneath my feet
slowly falling away under me
into the sea below

but I'm locked in my gaze

once it catches my attention,
i have to fight to break from the ride
the torturous battle
between collective
and corrupted

i tell myself you're there,
that i only feel alone
that even though our last interaction
was profane, and hostile
promises weren't kept
anxieties left tauntingly unanswered
never wooed or relaxed
you're still at least a little bit curious
i cross your mind enough to read these love letters to you

then the realization sets that i live in the world my isolation has created

these feelings come from a desperate want to be desired
to be needed
to be helpful
to be wanted
isnt that something everyone wants?

one thing i know for certain
when the ground supporting my weight gives way
and i begin my decent
into hateful and entropic madness

it wont be bitter, or unexpected
insanity and reality dance daintily together
what brings me down, is truth

my loss of sense of self and romantic desire
the impending wave of hysteria
my droning and monotonous life
balancing these things is exhausting
at this point, i will accept any way off
this ledge
be it off,
or over.