Vent

Change

I feel a shift in my body
never before have I been woken up by a nervous stomach ache, where my anxiety treats me to awakening in pain
if I dare think of a situation that would make me anxious, I feel the urge to puke
my stomach rumbles and I feel weak, and ill
my body and my mind have split,
my consciousness isn't anxious, I've made my life better
but my body is developing new habits that I'm unaware of
I've always struggled with eating,
and now being able to feel things passing through my body from the outside
being in pain when I digest anything
being self conscious that I'm too skinny,
but can't change it because eating large amounts of food
makes me feel ill
but I'm making good money
Being a carhop is humble, the paychecks are decent
not many fast food jobs that bring home at least 40 dollars in tips after your shift
But up until the moment I step the doors of my job, I feel sick
unless I'm super stoned, but I can't do that and then go to work and have to look people in the face
There's been a lot of good change in my life
why is my body failing me