Grown ish: Zoey and Aaron's Story (BOOK 1)

Part 32: After

Zoey narrates.

I cling onto Aaron and cry my eyes out.

'I lost our baby girl. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault.' I say, through tears.

Aaron pulls away from the hug and holds my face. His expression is stern.

'Don't you dare blame yourself for this.' He says.

This is the first time I've ever seen such hurt in Aaron's eyes. We stare into each other's eyes, as my tears continue to flow, and Aaron looks at me helplessly. He hugs me again, tightly, to his chest, and we stay like that for god knows how long.

And just like that, my whole world felt like it was falling apart. I'd lost, quite possibly, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

_____

A couple of days later.

I'm arriving back home, after a few days in hospital for observations. As I step out of the car, still very weak, my mom takes one of my arms and Aaron takes the other. They lead me into the house.

As I enter, I see my friends waiting for me, sadly.

'Hey, Zo...' Ana says, as she comes straight over to me and embraces me in a hug, as I try my best to hold back any more tears. The rest of the girls huddle over me, and we stay like that for a few minutes, before breaking away.

I then see the pink crib that Aaron and I had brought, still sitting in the corner, and my heart drops.

'I want to go and lie down.' I say.

Aaron nods and snakes his arm around my waist as I put my arm around his shoulder, to help me walk. He takes me upstairs and helps me sit down in my bed, fixing the blanket over me.

He sees me crying, silently, and sits beside me, stroking my head.

'How could this happen to us?' I ask, helplessly.

He stays silent.

'Are you mad at me?' I ask.

'No! Why would you think that? I could never be made at you. Zoey...' He sighs.

'This was not your fault. I promise you.' He says, softly.

He takes my hands in his.

'I don't know how I'll ever get over this.' I say.

'You won't, Zoey. And you don't need to. It's going to take time...but you'll be okay. We'll be okay.' He says, softly.

And in that moment, I knew exactly how he felt. It can't be easy for him, not only losing our child, the symbol of our love, but seeing me like this...

I take his face in my hands and kiss him, a breathless and painful kiss, as he reciprocates, placing his hands on my face too, as I feel all the hurt, pain and love simultaneously.

We pull apart and crying, I look deep into his eyes.

'I love you, Aaron.' I say, as he tries to wipe my tears, in vain.

'I love you too, Zoey.' He says, as I fall into his arms.

_____

A few weeks pass. It's hard and everyday feels different. I'm back in classes at Cal U now. It's taken my mind off of things, but the pain is still there.

This particular morning, I feel worse than usual.

Ana knocks on my door, and comes into my bedroom, as I lay in bed, hopeless.

'Hey...you okay, Zo?' She asks, as she comes over to me and strokes my hair.

'I think I might skip class today. I don't feel well.' I say, sighing.

'Zoey, I know why you're feeling so low. Today would have been your due date. When your beautiful baby girl may have made her way into our lives.' She says, as I look away, my eyes watering.

'But Zoey, she's here. Right here with us. Watching us. And she wouldn't want you to be sad.' She adds, though I can't help it, and I sob into her shoulder, and she consoles me.

Ana finally has to leave, and after a little while I fall asleep again, only to be woken by the sound of the front door closing.

I rub my eyes, and sit up, when I see an envelope and a rose on the bedside table.

I open the envelope, and inside is a note titled 'My love letter to you...'

I breathe, and read through a beautiful love letter written by Aaron. At the end he writes:

'I'm sorry I can't be with you today, physically. I'm hurting too. I can't see you unhappy anymore. Just know that I am always with you. I love you, Zoey. We love you.' It says, with a little picture of one of our baby scans beside it, one I'd never seen before.

In that moment, all I could do was hug the letter to my chest, and smile, my heart warm, wishing I was right with Aaron, right now.

_____