by SallyMary89
First, I really love the cover. The fonts, colors, way it's arranged are just ahhhhhhhhh. It fits the story perfectly, which I appreciate so much.
I love the characters and how they are set up. This entire story needs the perfect set up, characters in exact places, and it was done well. The characters seem to develop slowly, but that's perfectly fine. I think a bit more showing rather than telling would help with their development ;)
My one (two?) thing(s) for this story is grammar and the ambiance the style of writing sets in the story.
Simply put, the grammar needs editing. It's not horrible, but there are a few small things that are distracting to readers. When a sentence feels off or is completely arranged weird, it yanks us out of the story. It's unfortunate, but editing is necessary for anyone's writing.
The language used in the story sets an extremely different feel than I think the story is trying to get at. The dialogue and description often feels like old English, something out of a high fantasy or.... often it reminded me very strongly of the King James Bible. Now, I absolutely adore the King James Bible, but the language doesn't fit this story.
It's a teen fiction story written with the language and sentence structure of high fantasy. This is distracting and confusing often. The only thing that can fix this really is either editing it to feel more natural, or changing the setting to match the writing style. Either would take work, but I think the story would be much more accessible if that was adjusted.
Otherwise, I love the idea for the story, and the characters are developing nicely!
Time Stamp: 3-14-21
YOU ARE READING
Beautiful Books (reviews closed)
RandomBook reviews of books on Wattpad that I've read!! I will do my best to be honest and try not to fangirl too much. If you would like your book reviewed, PM me or comment and please be polite. ///////////Genre is labeled in a chapter, then stories...
