by caisseymoon
I loved your lively characters. Lots of attitude right from the start. It will be interesting to see how the conflict plays out, as Jake possibly uses Alice to get to Anna and.... *whispers* maybe causes a bit of interrelational drama along the way.
Advantages for readers:
- the story starts off quickly with the main conflict (no wandering around before we actually find out what the story is about)
- the writing is third person present tense and moves quickly
- not a lot of pauses to introduce characters but rather lets us observe them as we go
My thingsss:
More description, would help flesh the first chapter out a lot. As a reader it was easy to get lost in a void of: "I think there might be characters standing over there? But I don't know who any of them are. And I'm told we're in a building but... I don't know what it looks like or if we're sitting or standing or what."
A reader loves to use their imagination to fill in details, but details can't cling to an empty space. We need a frame to start building.
The second and third chapter were much better on this point, so it was a little jarring clicking over to the second chapter.
And a very small nitpicky thing that I learned from a few books on writing that really helps a lot: whenever possible, avoid names that are similar. In the first chapter we are introduced to Jake and James. Having names so similar slows down the reader's ability to read, and if one is tripped up between the two names and thinks they've been reading about Jake when it was actually James, it throws off the whole last couple lines or even scenes. It knocks the reader out of the experience.
Time Stamp: 2-14-23
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RandomBook reviews of books on Wattpad that I've read!! I will do my best to be honest and try not to fangirl too much. If you would like your book reviewed, PM me or comment and please be polite. ///////////Genre is labeled in a chapter, then stories...
