𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 || 𝐕𝐊 ✔

Fifty one : Depression

WARNING: mention of depression and self-harm!!! Please skip it if it's uncomfortable!

It's almost three months now. Three months since the depression sat on jungkook's chest like hard rock, unmoving and cold.

The medical treatments, the constant support and love showered by his hyungs were supposed to make him feel better. Yet it didn't help with his mental condition at all.

In conversation with his hyungs, jungkook's participation is only nodding his head or sometimes not even that. One thing that he always got to hear was the encouragement to knock down all the walls of his agony.

He wanted to scream out that he doesn't want to hear it anymore but his only reaction was the tears rolling down his pale cheeks which he doesn't even try to resist anymore.

Those tears were the only companion he had through the days of his misery. They didn't tell him to get better yet it helped him to flow out the pain in his heart.

Crying was a habit which he doesn't try to hide anymore.

Those words and hugs he receives everyday from his hyungs were not enough to heal him nor could their love.

All he needed was taehyung.

His mind was clouded with thoughts of taehyung. He missed him would be the least to say--he needed him. He was dying to feel him around, listen to his voice, feel his warm touch but he will never seek for it.

He now strongly believes this is the life he deserves after recalling the glimpses of some of his memories.

The way he shamelessly tried to defend his acts by accusing it on taehyung saying he was not good enough. The way he ignored all the daily calls from taehyung and finally getting to know with whom he cheated on as he got a glimpse of lisa's face in one of his nightmares.

That night was the most torturing.

It was at that moment, hoseok got to see a extremely uncontrollable side of jungkook's depression. His painful screams were too agonising that it echoed through the hallways of the hospital.

Jungkook couldn't find any comfort to stop the sharp pains in his heart after knowing the women whose presence brought immense tremor to taehyung was the cause of his deeds.

He couldn't stop his mind from recalling taehyung's painful sobs which he witnessed that day--the same day where he promised to give him back all his deserving love.

Jungkook was forced to go unconscious by the sedative given by his doctor. Hoseok knew none of the medication and therapy sessions done by Dr. Chan will show any results until jungkook gets ready to beat his depression.

His depression was like an ocean, the ones which has no life and colour. It was a ocean filled of a million shades of grey, reflecting his raw cold pain.

Yet like every other, his depression too had a floor to be beaten so as to get up. But for that he must find that rock bottom--and it needs a hope. A reason or just a motivation that gives the thoughts of doing something worthy, to do something that corrects all his previous remorseful acts.

The universe just needed to give him that hope. To live his life!

If not then he will always build up thoughts to end it.

Like the one he just did now.

The cascades of raw emotions were too much for him to suffer. He wanted to be in his love's warmth, wanted to shower his son with the love and care which he couldn't provide fully, wanted to get back to them.

But another part of his soul yelled at him as undeserving and worthless for any kind of love and joy. It screamed he was meant to live a life of loneliness, just like he was born.

He had no one in his life from the very start. No one to give him the parental care as his own parents disowned him, then he had his hyungs whom he disappointed. He got a family--a person who was ready to love him all his life but he ended up hurting and betraying the same person. He was not there to provide his son with love and care.

He was pathetic!

Dirty, worthless, fool, cruel, cheater—

—and the thick blood flowed continually through his vein, staining the white cold tiles. He closed his eyes, enveloping the sting of tears within.

His breathing was slow and ragged, head leaned to the wall and eyes closed as he feels his soul dripping off with every blood drop gushing out of his sliced wrist.

After three months of suffering his depression, for the first time his face held a smile, though it only held pain and hurt.

His closed eyes could see the images of taehyung's beautiful smile. He could hear his son's laughs. His depressed mind was recalling the best of his life.

The day he saw his son in the mall, then taehyung at hoseok's housewarming party, stepping into the house of happiness, sharing every night with taehyung—

His eyes opened in a snap, a gasp drawing in to his mouth as he remembers those flicker if words.

"And if you do, know this. . . you'll always be the reason for my tears"

"I will never tae... I promise"

"No no no" Panic seizes him immediately, eyes gazing down at his bleeding wrist which he slit with a sharp iris scissor. He stole it from the nurse's tray.

He grabs on his wrist, pressuring on it to stop the blood which didn't happen.

His mind set off in fear—not for his life but for breaking the promise given to taehyung. He no more can be the reason for taehyung's tears. It was the promise which he gave to taehyung and he didn't wanted to break this one too.

Tears drip from his mist clouding eyes as he struggles on his dizziness. His mind was blanking, not getting any ways to save his life which he decided to end a few minute ago.

Immediately, something whispered on his mind as he crawls to bed edge and presses the call button several times as he could.

His sleeves and arms were drenched in his blood, the tiled floor stained with traces of his thick blood. He could feel his soul draining away with each drop of blood streaming from his cut.

He falls to the floor, hands laying lifeless. The sound of door opening was all he heard before everything turned black on his vision.

༶•┈┈┈┈⛧┈┈┈┈•༶
Short one, i know. Writing his depression hurted me the most. And also my baby jungmin crying 🤧 that hurt like bitch! 😭