[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 9

redamancy: the act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full

» kwan ara's pov // present »

i groaned, holding on tight to my stomach.

why. must. i. have. periods.

"ouchie, ouchie, ouchie," i muttered. heavy periods had always ran in the family, and i occasionally had to use birth control pills to regulate my flow. i didn't rely on it often, only in the worst cases. the cramps weren't horrible, so i decided to just deal with it.

another stabbing pain came, and i squeezed myself harder. and then—curse life—i sneezed. yes, the worst thing to do on a period. the sensation made me extremely uncomfortable. quickly, i got up, ignoring the pain, and dragged myself to the bathroom.

"shit! fucking shit!" i cursed. i had ran out of pads. "fucking hell!" cursing made me feel weirdly better, as if i was taking my anger out on air. even stranger, i felt slightly guilty. i wasn't the type of person to curse.

i flinched as i felt his presence behind me.

"what happened?" he sounded soft today. i turned around.

"i. ran. out. of. pads." i had spit out one word at a time because of the pain. a cramp started to really hurt, and i collapsed onto my knees, hugging my stomach.

i grinned weakly. "i'm good," i squeak. "i'll just go get some pads...oh, and advil."

he put a hand up. and shamefully, i flinched. he quickly lowered his hands.

"i'll...i'll get you some. i don't have work today," he muttered, flustered. he knew it'd been a long time since an on day.

i smiled painfully. "it's okay, i can do it—oooo! a pad!" i picked it up. "anyways, i'll—ouch—do it later!"

he shook his head. "i'm leaving for groceries now anyways. i'll pick them up along the way. just, uh, stay here."

if we were younger, i would've said something sarcastic, like, "well, i was actually planning on moving around a lot while you were gone!" of course, he probably wouldn't understand the joke and get angry. i was really starting to feel the cramps so i just nodded weakly. "okay!" i squeaked.

he left, and i changed my pad, making sure to not look in the mirror while washing my hands.

i shuffled back into the bedroom. and then it slammed into me. taeyong...was being nice? i didn't know if it was the period and mood swings, but i felt a sudden rush of sadness, and—yes—cried.

by the time he came back home, i was done crying. well, about him. not about the cramps.

i laid there, curled on my side and facing the window as he sat down on the bed. he let out a little cough. "hey, ara," he murmured, turning my body to face him. "i bought you some stuff. a heating pad, some pills, pads, tampons, the comfortable underwear, and some of your favorite tea. and i already restocked the fridge so don't worry about that, okay?"

stop it. you're too perfect like this. you'll just hurt me again tomorrow.

"ara, i promise, i swear that i try not to," taeyong's voice cracked with emotion.

my head whipped around. did i say that out loud? there taeyong was, the one i had loved so many years ago. the one i wanted to spend my life with.

"oh, taeyong." he was crying, and my heart swelled with the love i had for him. how could i miss someone when they were right here?

"taeyong, look at me." ignoring the cramps, i crawled into his lap and cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. "taeyong."

"ara, i'm sorry," he whispered, still avoiding eye contact.

"taeyong!" i snapped, voice sharp. his eyes flickered to mine. if the damn guy didn't hurry, i would bleed on him. i almost said this out loud, but thought better of it.

he stared at me with all these different emotions, running hundreds of thousands of miles deep.

"i'm sorry," he whispered.

i kissed him hard. anger, love, frustration, confusion. all of that in one kiss. and i could tell that he got the message.

i pulled back from him. he was wiping his lips with the back of his hands.

"i love you. i love you so damn much taeyong, that it hurts. hurts so badly."

he turned his head, silent.

"i said 'i love you'! SAY SOMETHING!" i shouted, trying to bring back the taeyong from a few minutes ago.

he stared at me. i was straddling him, hands on his shoulders. i shook his shoulders angrily.

"don't love me, ara. don't."

and then he shoved me.

i hit the floor hard, groaning. i watched with blurry eyes as he stood up, and left the room. i slumped against the wall, defeated.

"i hate you. lee taeyong, i hate you."