[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 37

agathokakological: composed of both good and evil

» author's pov // 4 years ago »

a hard slap to the face made miyeon stumble backwards. she held her cheek as tears welled up in her eyes. the person who had slapped her backed away, and another person appeared in front of her.

"i'm sorry," she cried, "please don't hurt me."

taeyong laughed and leaned in close—too close. "why would i ever hurt you? i like you, miyeon. but i don't think jaemin can say the...same."

she raised her eyes up and made eye contact with jaemin, who was looking down at his hand, red from slapping her so hard. jaemin, please, she pleaded silently with her eyes. please, jaemin! but he refused to look at her, trembling with guilt.

please.

what she was asking for went unsaid. she wanted to escape taeyong, escape this place, this city, this country. she wanted to stay very far away from the both of them, her abusers. her boyfriend taeyong and his best friend, na jaemin.

——

» author's pov // the past »

eventually, she had built up the courage and left them. but she never spoke a word about who had been her abusers.

the whole time—during the abusing, after she broke up with taeyong—ara stayed by her side, as her only friend. her best friend. the only person she could rely on.

she was still single, despite it being four years ago. she now only went on short dates for pleasure, and occasionally, stayed with them for a week or two. ara was right. she was a dirty slut, who deserved nothing but the worst. she had left ara when she was being manipulated and abused.

she was a bad person.

when her parents had died, she left the country, without even saying goodbye to ara, her best friend and savior. while knowing ara was being abused instead of her.

maybe, if ara wasn't being abused, miyeon would've stayed in korea. but she couldn't bear the guilt of ara's sunken eyes and couldn't handle watching the light leave her eyes as the years passed. was it the fourth year that they were dating? the fourth year of her death contract? she had warned ara, but did she listen? no. because it was ara's life, and miyeon had no control over it.

——

» author's pov // three years ago »

it was the anniversary of miyeon's parent's deaths.

she was at the cemetery in seoul, although they weren't buried here, in korea. their "grave" was simply for memories.

out of the corner of her eye, she saw that somebody and joined her. it was na jaemin.

she didn't even look at him as he sat down beside her. he didn't deserve her acknowledgement. he didn't deserve to see the heart-breaking guilt on her face and receive the opportunity to comfort her. he didn't deserve that anymore.

tears silently crawled down her face as she read her parent's headstone. there was a family picture on the shared headstone, and she knew life wouldn't be right until she joined the people who loved her unconditionally. loved her simply for being born.

her hair was covering her face to make sure jaemin couldn't tell that she was crying. the words on her parent's headstones got blurrier as more tears filled her eyes and streaked down her cheeks. she knew she was shaking, but she couldn't stop it.

"it's not your fault, miyeon," jaemin whispered.

"that's bullshit," she managed to choke out. how could she not believe it was her fault, when they went to tokyo just to try to buy her favorite things and surprise her?

it was such a stupid thing to die for. she was spoiled, spoiled, spoiled, and it came back to bite her.

she continued to cry silently, shaking with the effort of holding in her pain.

"they will always be there for you, miyeon. in your heart." he pointed at her chest for emphasis, but his eyes never looked there. for some reason, this snapped something in her. she was always used for her body, her beauty, and the one guy she ever truly fell in love with was in love with her best friend and savior.

she couldn't hold back the pain any longer, and she sobbed with the heavy burden still on her shoulders. would her parents still love her if they saw how she was now? would anybody be able to love her? teardrop after teardrop fell.

jaemin hugged her, just briefly, but she flinched. her tears halted as she froze with adrenaline running through her body. her head pounded with a flight-or-fight response. it made no sense, at the same time that it did. this was her ex-abuser comforting her after all.

"don't touch me." she wiped at her eyes and nose, trying to appear emotionless. tears still dropped from her eyes, despite the effort. "don't you ever dare touch me again!" she yelled.

he backed up, surprised at her sudden anger and threw his hands up in a way to tell her to calm down. this infuriated her. "i'll leave," he said, noticing that the longer she glared at him, the angrier she got. he quickly backed away.

she collapsed onto the grass, the tension leaving her body as he got farther away. glancing to where jaemin was sitting, she could see that he left behind an envelope for her parents.

grabbing it, she ripped it open. there was a letter inside, and she carefully slipped it out. unfolding it, she took a deep, shaky breath.

to the people who created a person as amazing and beautiful as miyeon, the letter began. more tears dropped onto the dry grass as she read the first line over and over again.

as amazing and beautiful as miyeon.

she folded the letter up and put it back into the envelope.

"why do you do this to me?" she asked the empty spot beside her. "why do you make me want to love you all over again?"