[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 10

dystychiphobia: the fear of hurting someone

» kwan ara's pov // the next day »

"ara. don't try talking to me," taeyong hissed, obviously trying to hold back his anger. i had woken up to the sound of him making coffee, and decided to show him a little bit of my mind. my cramps had lessened, and i was feeling powerful. i had strutted right into the living room, where he was sipping his coffee.

"WHY?! answer the question taeyong: do. you. love. me? do you love me?" i yelled back, throwing my hairbrush across the room, almost hitting him. it hit his coffee, and it landed on the ground. the lid came off, and the coffee began to seep into the cracks between the floorboards. "so? do you?" i added angrily, as he just stared at the coffee.

he growled. "shut up, ara, shut up!"

i grabbed a pencil and threw it at him. "ANSWER ME! DO YOU FUCKING LOVE ME? THREE DAMN WORDS, TAEYONG, THREE!" the pencil hit him square in the chest, then fell to the floor pathetically. i began to grab a paper cup, ready to throw my next item.

he took four long strides and grabbed the both of my wrists. "you better stop shouting and throwing things." his voice was terrifyingly deep. i whimpered, but he tightened his grip on me.

"i just need to know taeyong, why do i love you so much when you hate me?" i broke. who was i to keep up a fake bad bitch image? i couldn't do anything. my world was becoming blurry with tears, and i sniffled. "why do you hate me? i lov-"

he threw me against the wall and pinned my arms above my head. his face come close to mine, and i could feel his breath on my lips. "don't ever say that again. yesterday was a mistake. i don't love you, okay? and you shouldn't love me either."

i cried, shaking. he tightened his grip, making me whimper.

"taeyong! let me go!"

he visibly struggled to loosen his grip. his teeth clenched and, with a heave, released me.

he didn't turn around as he opened the door. "i'm leaving. i'll see you tonight." he left as i snorted in arrogance. who was this man, to treat me like this? i was kwan ara. i seethed silently as i crushed the cup in my hand.

and then i sat down and sobbed.

——

» night time »

taeyong had arrived home. it was almost midnight, and i was starting to get worried, but he showed up safe and fine. i had been laying in my bed in my private room. i couldn't sleep—at least, not until i knew he was safe. i could hate him, but i had to make sure he didn't do anything rash while emotional.

following the usual routine, he put down his stuff and changed. his footsteps became clearer as he came closer, the creak of the wooden floor giving him away despite him attempting to be stealthy.

my door creaked open, i felt the bed dip as he sat down beside me. i forced myself to breath deeply and to keep my face neutral.

he leaned over and pressed a kiss to my forehead. i waited a few seconds, and then he planted another kiss to each of my eyes. and then the top of my nose and cheeks. and eventually, lips.

"oh, ara," i heard him whisper. "i've always loved you. nothing could ever change how much i love you." nothing could ever change how much i love you. why was that so familiar?

he left with another kiss to my lips. it was light, and i barely felt his lips there. but it was something, and i wanted so badly to sit up and hug him and love him all over again.

he left the room, and when i was sure he was asleep, i got up. looking at my alarm clock, i saw that it was one in the morning.

i sneaked over to his bedroom, and opened his door. there he was, in all of his perfect glory. he wasn't wearing a shirt, and i realized that he had gotten a new tattoo on his side of his back, near his abs. i wondered when he had gotten it, without me realizing. but then again, when did we pay attention to each other?

i tiptoed over and read the small font. a heart, and beside it, words, in hangeul.

관아라. kwan ara.

i bit my lip to prevent myself from crying. gently, i pulled up his blanket, and crawled into the bed with him. i wriggled, trying to find a comfortable place to snuggle in. deeming the space comfortable, i nuzzled my face against his back.

i gently wrapped my arms around him as i spooned him, and closed my eyes.

"goodnight, taeyong."

quickly, i fell asleep.