[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 33

kalon: beauty that is more than skin-deep

» kwan ara's pov // present »

i looked around the room. it was my room—the private one—yet something was different.

it was a baby's room.

there was a crib, childish drawings on the wall. a desk covered with baby supplies, and an open drawer overflowing with diapers. i could spot baby powder, a milk bottle, a small blanket, and other toys.

feeling something heavy in my arms, i tilted my chin down to look. shocked, i nearly pulled my hands apart.

in my arms...was a baby. the face was blurry, but i simply knew that it was a biological girl. the baby was sleeping peacefully, and i could feel my heart strings being pulled. the baby was adorable. her eyes fluttered open, and she reached up with her small hand to cup my face. the gesture was enough to make me love her like my own child.

but whose child was it?

my eyes trailed up my arm. there, on my finger. was a beautiful diamond ring. it was on my ring finger, which meant i was married.

wait—i gasped. married? and carrying an infant, as well?

running footsteps made me snap my head up. two children, who looked like twins, had ran in. one was a cute little girl, while the other was a grinning and hyper boy. again, i simply knew, despite the blurred faces. the girl was wearing the cutest little dress, while the boy was running around naked in his shorts. they both felt—more than looked—about two.

i felt a strange attachment to all of these kids, even though i didn't know their names, what their face looked like, or how they were related to me. i was still confused. was it my dream? at least, i could tell i was dreaming. why was my brain so slow, though? i was usually very sharp. so who was this infant in my arms and twins in my room? what had happened to my room?

one of the twins, the boy, came forward.

"mommy," he called. his face became crystal clear for a moment, and in that split second, it answered all my questions.

his face was exactly like taeyong's and mine combined.

i sat up gasping in sobs.

——

» kwan ara's pov // two hours later »

shaking, i wondered why this dream had terrified me so much. was it because i never thought about me and taeyong's future? about how one day, we could possibly get married and have kids?

maybe that wasn't what scared me. maybe it was the thought that we didn't have that kind of future together. acknowledging this was a slap to the face, but i could say i built up some resistance against mere slaps.

exhausted, i took a morning shower and brushed my teeth. i yawned as i walked into the dining room to see taeyong with a small, lit up cake on the table.

"o-oh, what's this?" i walked forward to admire the cake. it was cute, with little animals on it, but i would never eat it.

"it's your birthday, sweetheart."

i glanced at my phone. there was a notification saying that it was my birthday. it was a little embarrassing to admit that i set a reminder for my own birthday. "oh. it is my birthday."

"what do you want for your birthday?" taeyong asked. "i mean, i know today's your birthday but what would you like? what do you wanna do?"

"uhh..." how was i supposed to answer that? "it's fine, don't worry about me," i mumbled.

he stood up. "it's your birthday. so we're going to make you happy."

remembering the dream i had, i paused. "well...i don't want much but i mean, i guess, maybe...oh, actually..."

he could tell i had something major on my mind. "say it," he added casually.

"i..." i gulped. "i want...kids. children. and i want them while...we're married."

taeyong slammed his hands on the table and stood up. "we CAN'T," he shouted.

i flinched at the sudden change and instinctively backed up. "i...i know! it was just a wish, i'm not saying right now, or that we have to, i'm just saying! it's not like i was expecting you to get on one knee! it was a stupid thought, i'm sorry, i wouldn't force anything onto you. i-it's not like you want to get married, anyway..." i blubbered pathetically. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry," i added quietly. "sorry."

"AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY WE CAN'T," he continued shouting.

"what? why?" i teared up. the future i had imagined for ourselves disappeared in that moment. "i'm sorry, but i...i would love children." because they would keep me happy, fighting to live, eating. unlike you, my brain added. "taeyong, wouldn't children be amazing?"

he came forward and slapped me.

"no, means NO," he growled.

i stared at him with no emotions on my face, but my shiny eyes betrayed me. "i thought you were getting better."

i walked out the door without another word. the candles melted onto my birthday cake before i could even blow them out.