[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 12

akrasia: lack of self-control

» kwan ara's pov »

"ara, please, wake up," a soft voice called me. "ara! wake up! it's just...a nightmare."

i groaned and opened my eyes. "what?" i said, groggily. "i wasn't even dreaming?"

i could tell that i had been sweating in my sleep, but i couldn't remember anything except for random flashes of light.

above me was lee taeyong, the love of my life. he seemed worried, but i didn't look deep into it. i had some other things to look at. because, not going to lie... he looked kinda hot today. he was wearing his suit, but he hadn't buttoned up his shirt yet, and his tie was strapped across his neck. i should not have been thinking these thoughts so early in the morning.

wait. why was he here?

i looked around. ah. i was in his bed. i remembered last night, crawling into his bed and spooning him until i fell asleep.

"what's up?" i rubbed my eyes and sat up.

he smiled, just slightly. "you were having a nightmare. and i made you breakfast."

i looked at the food and almost threw up on the spot. "i- uh, i'm not hungry right now."

there was a certain hardness to his face that scared me. he was silent.

"taeyong?" i called tentatively.

"ara. when was the last time you had eaten?"

i forced a smile on my face. "late last night! before you got home." it wasn't a lie, i did eat. i just forced it up after.

he frowned. "i want to see you eat."

i ignored that. "what about your work? what time is it?"

"it's eleven in the morning," he responded.

"oh god," i muttered. "you're late! and not even, uh, properly dressed!" yes, i admit, my eyes could not stay away from his abs.

he laughed. i hadn't heard him laugh in a very long time. "getting distracted by something?"

i blushed and laughed. "no? what's there to be distracted by?"

he raised an eyebrow. "oh, really?" he leaned closer and i gulped. and he noticed.

two can play this game. i pulled on the two ends of his tie, and shock registered on his face as he leaned forward and i gave him a kiss. and, damn, he smelled nice.

i released him. "you should go to work." he was still shell-shocked. "taeyong~ hello?"

he cleared his throat, blushing a bright red. "i used my vacation day." he looked at the food. "and you're going to eat. c'mon, we'll eat together."

i sighed. "i'm not hungry."

taeyong was getting angry, forgetting our little moment from before. "you're going to eat. ara, i'm not going to sugarcoat things. you are too skinny."

"i'm not- ah! taeyong!" he had picked me up, bridal-style, and carried me to the bathroom. setting me down so that i could stand, he shoved me forward a bit.

"go shower. i'll heat up your food."

i frowned. "okay." i would find a way to not eat the food. or, i would throw it up later.

after i had brushed my teeth, showered and dressed, i went into the kitchen. taeyong was still not fully dressed. i mean, he had buttoned his shirt, but the tie was still distracting.

"taeyong," i groaned. "tighten your frickin' tie."

he smirked. "and if i don't?"

i crossed my arms. and then, with confidence that i hadn't felt in a long time, i went over to him and sat down on his lap. and then, i tied his tie for him.

"there."

i got up and sat across from him, smiling politely like nothing had just happened with my hands on my lap.

he was red. but he growled. yes, growled.

but then, he faltered.

"ara. your bruises."

my eyes widened. i forgot to put makeup on them after showering.

"taeyong, don't worry about it! they don't hurt..." i tried convincing him.

he clenched his teeth and left the room. i couldn't help but roll my eyes. i was the one stuck with them, not him. why was he acting like that? so suddenly?

i took the chance to throw my food out. rushing over to the kitchen, i started scraping it into the trash can. forgive me for wasting food, i'm sorry, i thought.

"kwan ara. what do you think you're doing?" a voice startled me. his voice was cold.

i slowly turned around. "ah, nothing! just thought it tasted weird, so maybe it was old. i was just going to-"

"i bought it two days ago! ara, tell me, why aren't you eating!? why haven't you told me anything?!"

"BECAUSE YOU KEEP FUCKING HITTING ME!" i yelled.

taeyong's face was burning with fury. i instinctively backed up.

"taeyong..."

he walked forward.

"taeyong! don't come closer!"

but instead, he hugged me. i melted into him.

and then i shoved him.

"wha-"

i ran to the bathroom. shoving the door open, and collapsing to my knees, i puked into the toilet.

taeyong was right behind me. "ara!" he yelped. he held my hair back and got onto his knees. he was rubbing my back, and i continued to heave, even without food in my stomach. acid filled my throat, and tears spilled out of my eyes from the pain.

i laid my face against the toilet, ignoring how dirty it probably was. i was breathing hard.

"ara..."

i grinned weakly. "guess the food was old, huh?"

"ara!" he snapped. "don't joke around!" i was silent. "you're anorexic, aren't you?"

i looked down. "yeah."

"why? it usually begins somewhere right?"

"i'll explain everything later, okay?" i said softly. "i just want to clean up."

"okay." he nodded, impassive.

he helped me up, and flushed the toilet. he stood in the corner as i washed my face and brushed my teeth. i avoided looking at him as he burned a hole into me with his eyes.

when i was done, i walked out the bathroom, not bothering to say anything. taeyong trailed behind me.

we entered the bedroom and i sat down on the bed. he sat down beside me.

"why are you anorexic, now?" he winced. "was that too direct-?"

i shook my head and internally rolled my eyes. whatever. "i'm anorexic. because, well, there's probably a lot of reasons, like maybe genetics, but, yeah, but, um, well, the main one is..." i swallowed hard.

"because of you."

his face contorted in an explosion of anger.