[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 35

drapetomania: an overwhelming urge to run away

» author's pov // three years ago »

"taeyong, i don't think we can hide your disorder anymore," taeyong's mother sobbed. "we need to get you help, please," she begged. "taeyong, we need-"

taeyong walked up and slapped his mother, as if she was a stranger. it was the first time he had ever hurt her.

and it was the last straw, even for the woman who gave birth to him. she held her cheek and looked to the side in shock, but as the situation dawned on her, her eyes became cold.

"OUT!" she screamed, backing away. "get out of my house! you're not my son!"

he didn't even flinch as she screamed. he nodded and grabbed his things, as his mother slid to the ground and cried even harder. he didn't feel—could not feel—anything when she flinched as he got closer. sparing her a quick, pitiful glance, he nodded again, and headed immediately to ara's house.

"ara," he begged as she opened the door. "please, take me in."

"of course," she agreed without knowing why. "how long are you staying for?"

he sighed. "for as long as you let me."

"that's a long time. i'll need some help with money, though. i'm struggling as it is."

"i'll work," he promised. "i'll make sure you have more than enough money."

"then it's perfectly fine if you come with me."

he got onto his knees and bowed deeply. "thank you, ara. you've saved my life. i owe you everything."

"just make me happy."

"i promise," he said with sincerity, "i promise."

——

» kwan ara's pov // present »

taeyong grabbed my hands as i re-entered my room. he had been sitting on my bed, waiting for me to come home from jaemin's house.

"what? what do you fucking want?" i seethed. "you've done enough today, don't you think?"

he stared down at our creaking floor. "i'm sorry...ara. i'm just so overprotective of you and—fuck—seeing you be happier with jaemin breaks my heart, okay? i know what's wrong with me and i know i hurt you but i love you so much."

i looked away. "sure."

he patted the spot beside him. i reluctantly sat down, a stupid part of me hoping for him to show me some affection.

"stay here," he said. he got up and walked out of the room. i could hear him moving things around in the kitchen.

he came back with a wine bottle and two glasses. putting it on the cabinet in front of us, he poured the both of us wine.

"here," he urged me. "drink." without a question, i drank it all in one go. i needed it. immediately, i could feel the effects the wine was having on me. i loosened up, and suddenly, everything felt romantic.

"so? why are you here, taeyong?"

"we...i...well, let me explain something," he mumbled. i nodded at his words. "i...want kids as well."

i paused. "wait what-" the wine i had just drank didn't feel so good in my stomach anymore. despite my rolling stomach, taeyong handed me another full glass that i got down in one go.

i smiled as the wine calmed me down.

as if taeyong could tell i was relaxed again, he repeated, "baby, i want..."—he gave me another glass before continuing—"kids."

"i-" i couldn't hide my grin. "are you sure?" i drank my wine.

he was now standing in front of me. he leaned forward and put a hand on my cheek. he put a hand under my cup to keep me drinking. i refrained from hugging him and shoving him away at the same time.

"i want kids," he repeated. "me and you...we can make children." he poured me another full glass of wine, nearly shoving it to my lips this time. a bit spilled on my floor, but i drank it—again, without question. he waited for me to finish before letting me talk. i noticed that he didn't drink any himself.

"for real?" i couldn't handle my sudden happiness. "taeyong, please tell me before i get my hopes up. this is real right?"

"of course," he murmured, coming close to kiss me. he had a different expression on his face, and i knew what he wanted.

he kissed me again, silently asking me for permission. i was feeling slow, but i smiled.

"right now?"

he smiled. "right now."

——

» kwan ara's pov // the next morning »

i woke up, feeling strange. light and happy, but at the same time confused. my head throbbed. beside me was a note. i sat up and read it.

have fun with jaemin today, the note said. love, taeyong.

that was right: i was going back to martial arts with jaemin today.

"taeyong..." i murmured. why couldn't i remember anything from last night? i glanced at the floor to see an empty wine bottle.

i blanched. it was my most expensive bottle, more like a souvenir than for drinking. i saw two glasses on the floor, one empty and clean, the other knocked over and wine leaking on the floor. i sighed. i must've been tired yesterday, to not remember much. i doubt i drank all of the bottle, so taeyong must have. i probably didn't drink any, since there was a clean, dry glass. i picked up the bottle and glasses, and cleaned up.

i showered and headed over to jaemin's. he greeted me warmly as usual.

"hey, ara. how are you?"

i shrugged, frowning a bit. "i can't seem to remember last night, so i guess i was really tired. i must've fallen asleep early, but yeah, i'm still feeling groggy." for some reason, i felt like i should've kept the note and empty wine bottle to myself.

he pouted. "aww, is little ara tired? does she need a nap?"

i laughed. "idiot, let's just go already." he smiled, but complied.

we went to martial arts, and of course, we came in late. our instructor lectured us, yelling, "you people don't know how to manage time anymore!" and "you'll never get anywhere if you're always late! a thousand kicks over the balance beam until you're done!"

jaemin and i suppressed laughs. "yes, sir," we said obediently, avoiding eye contact with each other in case we bursted out in laughter.

that day, i had gone home happy, and with a new belt color as well. i was loving taekwondo. i was loving life.