re: long time, no see
when i said i was doing my own Rambles, i was being literal.
maybe we can dump the realer shit in these posts: this could be like our epistolary novel
please don't take this as condescending - like somehow you're wrong for taking it the way you did - but i didn't actually mean that i didn't think you were nice to me anymore. i mean, maybe we've iced over a bit, but i think that's just because we're more comfortable with each other. maybe zizek was right, and it really does mean you love someone when you can insult them (jokingly, of course. i could never hate you). that's how i feel about it. that's why i can be an ironic asshole, but i am an ironic asshole anyway. that sounds so fucking cold male manipulator of me. im sorry, i wanna sound warm. i don't know how to do that. please don't take that as "wahhhh wahhh baby cry :(", im just trying to keep it off the dome.
i don't want this to be like so clinical and straightforward, or god forbid - whiny. i just don't have it in me to be abstract right now. i just want to be direct.
im never scatterbrained anymore. maybe that's a lie. i just don't think about it anymore.
reading Rambles, it's weird. if the way you wrote and spoke was a couch, Rambles would be between and under the cushions. it's like loose thoughts to me. it's weird to be there. even weirder when you tell yourself you're not supposed to.
('weird' is losing meaning to me and fast. i put that shit on everything.
it's not inaccurate in this case, but it's closer to the truth to say it's vulnerable being there. i know don't think i was kidding when i said i was sailing on private waters.)
*i swear to fuck im not trying to be mr. boy genius right now, im just trying to be completely honest
i think i know when you reference me in it. it's kinda nice. i like to think even when we're not talking to each other, we're still there. that's what it means to me.
you NEVER infantilize me, dude. ever. not once. i found it so interesting. it's not like it came out of nowhere but it's still kind of out of left field. you always treat me like someone on your level. i want to be on your level. i want fucking connection
t
hat's why
it's so surprising to me when you talk about wanting to impress me. im such a fag! it's so sweet of you but, again, im such a fag. i dont wanna intimidate you. you can make me feel so comfortable
i also have more to say
