We've been doing these for over a year now, which is incredible. It feels like it's been a lot longer, like at least four years. I don't know how to mark this anniversary. It almost barely feels worth celebrating outside of just continuing to put out more. But I hope that doesn't suggest this silly little posts don't mean the world to me, because they do. I don't think we understand the value of these things yet. I don't know how to begin to thank you for all you've given me in them. I hope you know how serious I am when I say that.
For the bajillionth time, I love you, M.F.C.
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I'm almost done my first year of college. I'll be done in less than two weeks. It barely feels like a couple months since I decided to pull the whole thing off, but all the worry I felt going into it feels sort of distant now. I know it's not quite behind me, though. Not even close. But it seems to be packing up and getting to leave, I hope. Unless I'm reading it wrong. Regardless, it feels good. I feel really good. I'm liking who I'm becoming. I like where I'm going. All I can hope for now is that I keep trying to get 'there', wherever that is.
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I kind of hate how fucking flowery my language can be, but I think I'm generally getting better at this whole writing thing.
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/TMI
I feel ecstatically horny(?) these days. "Ecstatic" in the mystic self-transcendence sense of the world, like I want to have my entire being pummeled into someone else. I want to lose myself in someone else totally and for good.
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To leave or die in Pork City. That is the question.
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I don't know what this says about me, but I have really taken what you said about how you think I'm cool to heart. I honestly never think of myself as cool. I usually think of myself as either being totally uncool or against "cool" itself. But it feels really good to think you think I'm the best kind of cool. That made me feel really good, but I hope I'm not now letting it get to my head and becoming an asshole. I probably won't, but it's something for me to keep an eye on.
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That's it. I don't have a ton in me this week. I've been kind of busy.
