I'm suddenly sad again after being ridiculously happy for a couple of days. My body feels vacant. Maybe that's what you mean by "body sad". I hate writing whenever I get like this because it feels like there's a cork in my brain and all my thoughts are clogged up. I don't know what to say.
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I miss the ever living fuck out of you. I don't think you understand, but I only say that to emphasize how intense this is. I don't mean it literally because you always understand, and that just makes me miss you more.
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Fuck. College. Jobs. The summer. Edmonton. Second-year. Dean's List. Coursework. Papers are due. Nothing started. Feel stupid. Fuck. Just sleep it off. I never sleep it off.
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What would Chris Hedges do? Certainly not pull a binge-eating, wake-up-at-11-every-day, chronic masturbatory-weekend in the wake of pressing responsibilities. Chris Hedges would punch out the President in the name of the Workers of The World, unlike me, who sucks. Chris Hedges wouldn't feel like I feel. But then again, I'm me, not Chris Hedges, and I don't even know the guy.
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All my daydreams are stupid, or so I've told myself.
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I hate music. I wish it was over. Just end music already. I think we've heard enough.
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I am a total charlatan and a dilettante. Nice diction, dickhead.
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I'm trying to be less self-loathing and I think I've made some strides. Even now, the 'dickhead' comments feel forced. I don't feel good at all right now, but I don't think I'm all that bad, even if I'm still not on my good side.
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Have I ever told you that I think you have a really nice voice?
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I think I'm sick. I hope I can sleep it off, but like I said earlier, I never sleep it off. This will probably be here in the morning and it won't die down until like Thursday. I hope I can just sleep it off.
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I know I have shit-talked this weekend a lot, but I'd do it all over again for our call. To think I thought we'd both be asleep before we got to talk about anything. What you don't expect is what you need the most.
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To quote you, I don't want to be 'overly gay' or 'suck your dick' too hard in these, but at the same time, I really do. I really, really do. I hope that we feel the same.
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I'm so stupid. Like, it's a little funny.
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If someone with the means to do so gave me the chance to hang out with you in-person forever, I might take them up on that.
