I'm emo tonight and trying to finish this was hard, so I'm just gonna post this as is. It's almost 5000 words, so I hope it's still enjoyable, even if it's completely nonlinear.
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I have had a really cool and strange week. I'll tell you all about it, but it's hard to explain. I'll give it a go, anyway.
The Players:
THE GANG
Amus: A boomer at the age of 19. He is the department manager of the produce section at Wal-Mart. He drives a Jah-ta (or Volkswagen Jetta, as people outside of my dad and his friends in the 90s call it) and is an industrious researcher of leisurely sciences of golf and alcohol. He has long, Nordic-blonde hair, crimson western Canadian cheeks, a modest belly, and a blue golf shirt when required, as in always. A good guy and a good friend to me (despite the fact that he can be fucking racist if we're being frank).
Dougie: A devout guitarist, austere about his interest in other people, and ruggedly handsome in a confident punk kid sort of way. He has a troubled past but has since gotten out of the woods with it. A self-proclaimed hippie with a Canadian accent. He quit his job at Wal-Mart and is currently unemployed. Currently investing in SafeMoon. He has a fantastic taste in jackets, shirts, headbands, shoes, records, and hair, which is long and red. He has centered his life around a jihad for music and is completely willing to suffer for it.
Me, the narrator: Fuck me. Me is a bitch. He likes poop and penis in his boyhole. He has never had a job, obviously. Do you think someone who likes poop could even want a job, let alone get and hold one? No, dummy! Of course not! Just kidding. You know I'm awesome. Grew up in your mom's house and had sex with her. Ew!
Sweeney: You already love and know him pretty well. He's a tall dude with a deep voice, dusty blonde hair, and an oddly fitting soft face. Scab wounds are sprinkled throughout his whole body. He is very white and pale. I like his T-shirts. He is first to point out when he finds something cute and is very unafraid to audibly fawn over it unlike most males I know, but his sense of humour is obscenely absurd and edgy. He is one of my best friends ever. He "works" at this fabrication shop, but hasn't for 3 months because of an aluminum shortage.
Juice: He really needs no introduction, but to put this story into context, a few things need to be said: for one, he is extremely charismatic, but not overbearingly so. He is cool in the truest sense of the word: low-flying, but open to anyone, and for the lucky many that join him, he treats them with one of the sharpest wits in the galaxy. This makes him the life of any of our parties, but he doesn't have it in him to be full of himself. He just doesn't have time for that. It's that classic story of the funniest person in the group who is also the saddest. He has some issues and carries some real baggage, the details of which he is deliberately utilitarian with giving out. Long story short, much like his girlfriend, he had to be the parent to his parent. I often wonder about how much they bond over that fact. If they do - and I cannot see them not - I find it really, really sweet. He was the first member of The Gang to work at Wal-Mart.
GANG-RELATED
Moogles: She is the first one of Juice's girlfriends who I don't dislike. She is super kind in an honestly motherly sort of way, which is a far fucking cry from his previous girlfriends, who were not super kind in a motherly way, but, in fact, super rude in an entitled sort of 14-year-old way. She has her shit way together, juggling waiting tables with university and rent. She seems to seriously want things out of her life and is out there trying to get them. I respect that in anyone. I truly believe Juice is very happy with her. I learned on this trip that she grew up in Ukraine and that her mother is a complete shitbag, the kind that one of her offspring would have no choice but to step in and assume the role that she failed to live up to. I figured this was the case, given a few remarks she made out-of-pocket about her cat which we all called "Foo". Worked at Wal-Mart with Juice and crew.
