I'm not lost.

Chapter 9 Wedding dress.

Month and half later
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It's finally time to look for wedding dresses im so excited!
Me and Bella are going to spend all day trying dresses on and have girl day!

I'm so excited.

Mrs Albi walks in.

She bit nervous I can see that see just started being able to talk to me with out looking at me like I was a whore.

"Emm Ciara I was thinking if I could go with you guys looking for dress"

She really has put some intresed in this wedding.

I look at Bella she just rolls her eyes at me then I turn at mrs Albi

"Sure thing."

And smile to her

"Thank you"

"We are leaving in like hour, we are just finishing to get ready"

I say with my nice voice and smile to her. she smiles back and walks out of the room.

"God why the fuck would my mom want to come! Now the day is ruined! Im so sorry Ciara! "

Bella had like huge issue with her mom. She hated her guts specially after what she did to me.

"Bella it's okay. Really we will make the best of the day! Okay?"

"of course!"

•

We are at the most expensive bride dress shop in this country. This is only high designer dresses amazing!

"CIARA! You need to try this one it's beautiful"

Mrs Albi looks at us smiling

"yes it really is"

I look at her giving her little smile and then grab the dress of Bella giving her little laughter.

I start changing when mrs Albi mouth drops.

"CIARA! WHAT HAPPENED to you ?!"

I look at her confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Your body! It's covered in scars!"

I look at my scarred body.
It was true my body was all covered in scars, I didn't really feel comfortable with her question though.

Bella stares at her mother giving her a death look.

"Well mrs Albi my father used to beat me when he was alive."

I say staring at her.

"God? My poor child! That's terrible"

Tears are actually running down her cheeks as she stands up and hugs me

"It's okay mrs Albi. It's in the past. He's gone now and it will never happen again."

"but you will always bear the scars!"

Thank you for the reminder....

I can't handle this shit no more I did not need a reminder about my body!
I did not need this shit right now so I walk out of the big changing room.

I hear Bella yell at her mother.

Bella has lost control of her anger again. But I knew she was only trying to project me and loved her for that, that's why I asked her to be my maid of honor! And now we are like best friends.

She's only two year younger than me but feels like she's just older sometimes.

I dial Andrew I needed to talk to him.

"Ciara?"

"Yes."

"everything okay?"

He asks.

"No."

"what's going on?"

"Your mom.."

He can hear my voice breaking now. He groans.

"God what did she do now!"

He says annoyed.

"Do you think my body is beautiful?"

I whisper my voice shaking

"yes! It's perfect! Why do you ask?"

"Even with all my scars?"

I feel pathetic.

"the past is the past. I could never stop loving you no matter what!"

"Your mother she disapproves"

"Well fuck her !"

Bella walks to my side and whisper in my ear

"She's gone let's finish this dress hunt!"

I nod at her.

"Andrew Bella just came and told me your mother left. I really need to finish finding a dress love you bye"

I walk back to the changing room Bella is smiling at me.

"I found some amazing dresses. You need to try them all! "

"Okay!"

I change into dress my dress.
I feel like princess all of those beautiful dresses I can choose out! It's amazing

I dress into the last dress it's a silk and it shows my figure and it's so beautiful I look into the mirror and smile

"This is the one Bella"

"it's beautiful!"

•

Andrew is out for tonight.
He has to go to NY to get some shit for our wedding, so tonight I'll have to sleep alone.

I'll take a quick shower cleaning my body. I stand in front of the mirror naked looking at all the scars covering my body.

I have some on my rips, some on my wrists and even more in my thighs and lot more.

I used to be pale so the scars didn't show so much but after me and Andrew moved to LA I've been getting more tanned causing my scars to be more visible.

How could anybody possible want me?

This is terrifying. I'm cant see how Andrew could love me or even fuck me, those scars are so damn ugly!

My father had ruined my body.
I didn't tell mrs Albi all.

My father used to burn me to with his cigarets. so those scars are the ugliest.

Why did mrs Albi need to bring up my past like this? She knew I had abusive dad and ugh!!

I dress myself into underwear and pj's then I slip under the covers of our bed. It's not warm like it's used to because it's missing a big part.

My fiancée..

I'm so lonely.

I've never realize how much I depend on Andrew. I used to be strong.
I start to cry.

I'm So damn lonely I take my phone and send Andrew a simple text.

Thinking about you.
-c

Then I cry myself to sleep.