Hamilton One-Shots

21- On My Own (Modern)

Play song when I you see the Italic lyrics
I don't own Les Misérables

Also this is kinda angsty

So no fluff, sorry :/

TW: Drinking

💔

John Laurens watched with fake happiness as his best friend stared into her eyes and said, "I do."

John let a tear fall as he kissed her passionatly and the crowd cheered. Everyone would assume he was crying from happyness, but that wasn't the cause.

He loved Alexander, but he would never know. He was happy with his new wife, Eliza, and John didn't want to ruin it.

The wedding dispersed and began to set up for the reception. John walked outside into the pouring rain and let his tears fall as he leaned against the balcony.

"And now I'm all alone again.
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head"

John began to sing, closing his eyes as the water and tears streamed down his face.

"Own my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me.."

John sadly smiled, his vision blurring with tears as he stared at the view near the balcony as he remembered his school days, hugging Alex when he had a bad day.

"In the rain the pavement shines like silver"

John watched the rain fall and sparkle on the pavement, reflecting the twinkling stars.

"All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever!"

He closed his eyes and imagined walking down the street, Alex's hand in his own.

"And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us-"

"Alexander and Elizabeth Hamilton!" John bit back a sob.

"I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river"

John wiped his tears and the lights on the river dissapeared.

"Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers"

John threw himself away from the balcony and ran through the open door into Alex's reception party, shoving faceless strangers away from him as tears slid down his face.

"I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending!"

John stopped near the front entrance of the building and turned to face the happy newlyweds. John reached out his hand as if he was grabbing something from the air.

"Without me
His world would go on turning!
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!!"

The tears started again and John finally left the room, leaning against the wall.

"I love him..
I love him..
I love him..."

John closed his eyes and sank down to the floor. His voice dropped down to a whisper.

"But only on my own."

John felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up to see a drunk Lafayette.

"Mon amieee! Lez go for a toast!" John cracked a small smile and stood up, wiping away his tears.

"Alright." Lafayette, John, and Hercules met up with Alex.

A glass of beer was shoved into his hand and John smiled softly, downing it.

"I may not live to see our glory!"