Second Chance

Chapter 20

Red lights, blue lights. Sirens and screaming. Ambulance, body bag, police cars and handcuffs. Gasping and crying as tears poured down my face. I couldn't think or breathe or barely even move. I wasn't sure if it was from the explosion, or from the fact that Riley was now dead, and I was the one to blame. I did it. I killed him. It should have been me. I lived while he died, while I so desperately wished it was the other way around. Our luck finally ran out, and the price was my brother's life.

A cop shoved me into the back of one of the police cars, and I didn't even resist. I was done. I couldn't keep doing this anymore. The door slammed behind me, and the car started to drive away. I stared out the window, feeling the initial shock melting away into numbness, even though there was still a steady stream of tears trickling down my face.

I think the last time I cried nonstop like this was when I was eight, and I spilled orange juice on my favourite shirt. I cried for probably an hour straight, and was in a terrible mood for the rest of the day. Then Riley came over, and I forgot about my orange stained shirt.

I covered my mouth to keep myself from making anymore pathetic noises as another wave of grief came crashing over me. Riley saved my life. In every way a life could be saved. And I repaid him by getting him killed. I wish I was the one who got barbecued by that firework. It was my stupid idea, so I should have payed the price. I should have got up and ran, or thrown the firework away from us, or jumped on top of it and covered the entire explosion. Really, I should have done anything else than what I did. There's no point in woulda coulda shoulda though. What's done is done, and I really fucked up.

—-

I sat back in that same holding cell as before, only about a month ago, when Riley was still alive. He was right here with me, the entire time. I knew he was pissed, but it wasn't the end. He still had an entire life to live out, and I took that away from him. I always knew I was holding him back, and robbing him of his full potential, but I never intended for this to happen. I was too far gone though, and our friendship was too strong. I was so blinded by my desperation to have him with me, that I never stopped to think about the consequences.

I laid my head down on my arms, which were folded across my legs. I closed my eyes and imagined Riley's last moments of life. He was smiling at me one moment, then his eyes widened in horror, then there was nothing left in them at all. I felt more tears seeping out of my eyes and dripping past my eyelids, falling silently onto the concrete below me.

A little while later, the door to the holding room opened, and I already knew who it was without even opening my eyes and looking up. "Hello Morgan." I said quietly.

"Justin." She nearly whispered. "Are you okay?"

I let out a soft bitter laugh. "Am I okay?" I repeated, looking up to glare at her. "My best friend died less than an hour ago! I loved him, and I got him killed! So no, I'm not fucking okay."

"I meant physically." She muttered.

"Well, considering I got blown backwards eight feet and didn't lose any limbs, I'd say that I'm physically doing quite well." I said sarcastically.

"You're not the only one affected by this, Justin. I really liked Riley too." Morgan said, and I noticed her eyes were starting to water, which was weird to see because I've never seen her cry before.

"You had a date with him tomorrow night, and now that's never going to happen." I choked out, feeling another wave of emotions rising. It was silent for a moment, then when I thought I had my emotions under control, I added. "You know what the last word Riley spoke was? It was 'dangerous'. That was the last word he said to me before he died. Dangerous. How fucking accurate is that? It sums me up perfectly." I covered my mouth again as yet another collection of tears started to build up in my eyes.

"You know you're in a lot of trouble, right Justin?" Morgan asked softly.

"For what? Accidental murder of Riley Sumit, due to the complete idiocy of his best friend, Justin Blok, who felt the need to blow him up with a dynamite firework? That's going to be a long news headline, I can't wait to see it on national television." I joked morbidly.

"This isn't a game, you actually are getting charged with first degree murder." She snapped, sounding concerned.

"Of course I am." I laughed, leaning my head on the brick wall behind me.

"There's going to be a court case though. My mother will be your defendant." Morgan explained, and I suddenly remembered her mom was a court judge, along with being a part of a jury, or being a defendant in a case like mine.

"Seriously?" I asked, looking back at her. "Great! I'm totally fucked."

"Justin." She sighed.

"Your mom is going to run me into the ground, Morgan! She either wants me locked up for life, or dead. That's what she's always wanted, and she's going to get her wish pretty damn soon." I shouted, getting up and clenching my fists.

"I got to go." Morgan mumbled, turning around abruptly and walking out of the door.

No matter what I was probably going to get sent to jail. No matter what I said or did I was fucked. There was going to be no new life for me. I was going to stay Justin Blok, except now I would be known as the best friend killer.