(March 30, 2019)
Is this the SECOND COMING? Fuck, my ass sure hopes so
"i. am. fUCKIN. FUUUUUUUUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" jack yodels
tom howell just smirks at him and leans back in his weird ass ghost chair in hell
"bro you suck at blackjack" tom howell shrugs and stands up "if you need me, im going to go to the end of the world and JUMP OFF" and he left
jack sat there with his arms crossed and he waited
and waited
and waited
he howled in aNGRE AND BEGAN CRYING
he got it all out of his system and now he's dehydrated
so he um..... passes out on the table
just then TOM HOWELL HIMSELF descends from above and lands on jack, breaking both of their SPINES
now they need scoliosis pride icons god fuckit
"i wanna end me" jack moans in billie eilish's voice and tom howell fucking dies
not really
he actually starts SCREAMING and jack is SO FUKCING DONE
he grabs the GUCCI BACKPACK™ and pulls out a nokia
"hye kenzie i hate it here can i come live with you instead?"
the dinosaur replies in a really disoriented voice but its kenzie "YEAH."
jack sighs in relief and packs his things
tom howell is still SCREAMING so he doesnt hear jack open the elevator to purgatory and leave
he ends up in heaven and jonghyun looks at him confused
"so you want me to just.... drop you through the clouds directly into kenzie's living room?"
jack nods
"oh ok but you might die-"
jack nods with more PASSION
"ehh ok you're weird" jonghyun lifts him into the air like a jedi master "bye bye sis" jonghyun uwus and DROPS JACK
jack goes free falling in slow motion you know like a drama movie scene and he begins thinking about his life choices and whether or not ka-
"OH MY FUKC JACK IS THAT YOU IN MY LIVJNG ROOM!?????????????111" kenzie screeches and jumps up to hug him
"IM HIV POSITIVE" jack cries
kenzie's dad Sam™ walks in
"KENZIE I THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?!"
"uGH' kenzie sighs really loudly and drags jack off into their room "so you're back now!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?"
jack gave this really dead inside glare "i never ghosted you kenzie"
"yeah unlike everyone else"
"yeah legiterally" jack blinks tiredly
everyone in the universe simultaneously blinks tiredly
"so what are you gonna do jack"
jack shrugged
"i dunno"
...
...
...
...
"actually im gonna pay haru a visit"
