(May 18, 2020)
may 3 when da freaks come out
pip woke up in a COLD SWEAT
she been staying in hell of course, thanks corona
she was sleeping in bens bed, ben was sleeping in the mf floor with jaemin the mf ant and goo
she had a dream where ben and her got married!????!?!?!?
pip threw back the sheets and jumped out of bed
she smashed the doors off they hinges
on the other side of the door was
"tom howell? its" she glared up in the sky- oh wait this is hell "probably 2 in the morning what do you WANT"
tom howell dropped to his knees and started begging "bro theres like a monster under my bed. please help me pelse"
pip didnt want to fuck with ben while he was asleep so she sighed
"ok lead the way, dumbass"
pip slipped out the door and into the openness of hell
she felt a cold breeze
this is HELL. why was she shivering
this shit dont even add up
"oh if your wondering about the breeze, its because we're close to the mf core"
"the mf core?"
"the mf core."
"but i thought you lived in the" she didnt care if she was right "the 99th circle? thats not close to the mf core"
"relax, its a detour. we going down the styx."
pip stopped in her tracks and turned around "im nOT going down the styx. it would be faster if wejust walked to the 99th circ-"
there was the jingling of money and pip's head snapped in a 180
tom howell was paying the ferryman the crossing fee
"TOM WHAT ARE YOU ON. WE CANT JUST PHASE OUT OF ONE HELL AND INTO ANOTHER. ITS DANGEROUS"
"name one person who said that its dangerous" tom smiled innocently
"i-"
"you cant!"
"thats because they never return and their existence is erased in this universe!"
"name one person that happened to"
"eye-"
"you cant!"
pip facepalmed loudly and took tom's right hand "lets just LEAVE"
tom dug his heels into the dirt "woah [x3] pip i already paid the ferryman! i cant get a refund!"
pip groaned "they refund you in the Styx Gift Shop" she pointed at the now obvious gift shop that kind of looked like the school cafeteria
"yeah but they wont pay me in schlatt coins!"
before anyone could react. jschlatt himself rose out of the ground
"who summoned me"
everybody in hell pointed at tom howell
"oh god im dissociating" pip mumbled
"you dont just summon the holy spirit of hell for no reason" jschlatt was glaring at tom howell "i got a busy schedule"
tom howell smiled back nervously "uhm. so i paid the ferryman in s,,schlatt coins and i wanted a refund"
everyone in the gift shop went dead silent
before erupting into chaotic laughter
"did you hear that? he wants a refund. for schlATT COINS" a demon (probably ezra miller no cap) was hoWLING
jschlatt zoomed over to him in .3 seconds and choked him out "nobody says my name in vain"
pip fucking fainted on the spot at the same time tom howell shit himself
pip broke her skull open like an egg and blood went everywhere
EVERYONE STARTED SCREAMING
just then, ben materialized in the room
"SHUT THE FUCK UP" he screamed as loud as a foghorn "A BITCH TRYNA SLEEP. oh my god"
he dropped down beside pip, who was fucking dead
he shed a single, dramatic tear and got back up
ben glared at tom howell. tom howell pointed at jschlatt
"oh wonderful. its my fault!" jschlatt crosses his arms impatiently "what're you gonna do?"
"DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ben screamed as loud as he could and the entire cafeteria went down in flames
jschlatt's face dropped "now hold oN-"
BMC crawled up out of the ground in front of everyone
"hiiiiiii. oh my god pip's fucking dead. YOU" he pointed at tom howell "GET HOL HORSE ON THE LINE"
tom howell ran behind the gift shop counter and sharted beating on the dial phone until someone picked up
"howdy doo, im hol horse and youve reached my voicemail. leave a message after-"
"FUCK YALL VOICEMAIL" BEN SCREAMED FROM ACROSS THE ROOM
someone picked up on the other side
"its 2 in the morning what do you WANT" hol horse sighed
"ITS PIP SHES DEAD" tom howell cried
hol horse stuck his head through the phone and looked around the gift shop "oh youre right dont worry bucko"
he hung up and the whole place went silent
the entire time this was happening, the buck bumble theme song was playing on loop on the gift shop speakers
pip suddenly came to
ben sighed in relief
"false alarm everybody"
but oh. was it far from a false alarm
a hand reached through the crowd and grabbed ben. oh god oh no its
"JEBEDIAH!?" pip screeched
"i require a soul" jebediahs voice was GOOFY
BMC grabbed him doe "not today, dumb idiot. go back to the mf amish ranch"
just by snapping his fingers, BMC made jebediah fade away
pip suddenly rubbed her face "god i have a. splitting headache"
ben gave her a :| look
"ITS BECAUSE YOUR HEAD IS CRACKED IN TWO YOU NEED THE HELMET!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"the one from your birf?"
"the one from my birf."
and thats the story of how pip had to wear the helmet until her brain grew back
