(August 26, 2018)
yeehaw times are approaching
It was a chilly day in My Butthole, Ohio. Jared was standing on the sidewalk in his NASA jacket. It was the end of the school day. Jared tapped his foot idly, waiting for BIGMEATYCLAWS to come and get him. He sat on a bench. A man came up and sat beside him on the bench. Jared tried to ignore the stranger, so he put headphones on (cause we all know earbuds are STUPID) and began playing Hallelujah.
He heard a muffled voice. Jared slowly pulled his headphones off and looked over at the expectant eyes of the man still sitting beside him. Didn't he have a life? Jared wanted to drive the man away, he seemed,,, peculiar? "Excuse me," Jared quietly coughed. Very intimidating. "What do you wan-"
"What're you listening to?" his bright eyes seemed endless. The longer Jared looked, the more he seemed to be pulled in. He slid away hesitantly.
"I-it's nothing really."
"What's the song called?"
"What's it to you?" Jared pulled off his GUCCI BACKPACK™ and reached in for his phone. The man frowned. He grabbed Jared's arm.
"Don't. Not yet. Let's have a talk." Jared looked up at him squinting.
"Oh my Jonghyun. Let me call my dad for fucks sAKE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU." Jared hissed. The man let go and kept his gaze on Jared. He adjusted his sleeves.
"The name's Tom. You should remember me. I can't believe you forgot about me. Just because we broke up. Did you forget about Matt Watson? Calvin? No. Why did you forget me?" Tom whined uneasily. Jared started tapping on the bench, a light blush dusting his face. Tom looked on with a distant stare. "Look, I'm not angry. I just need the truth." Tom inched closer.
"I can explain everything. Just please let me call my da-" Jared's phone began ringing. The ringtone was a horrible remix of Dancing King. Jared's face dropped. "SHIT" He answered it shakily. BIGMEATYCLAWS materialized behind him. He spoke in his deep, edgy, stUPID voice.
"Son why didn't you call?!" Jared tried explaining himself. He was stUTTERING, BAD. BIGMEATYCLAWS looked at Tom with a twisted smile. "Hey Thomas." Jared looked between the two, confused.
"DAD YOU REMEMBER TOM HOWELL?" BIGMEATYCLAWS nodded quickly.
"Yes and he's welcome to Hell any time." BIGMEATYCLAWS put a claw on Tom's shoulder and Tom smiled back nervously.
"Thank you, Mr. BIGMEATYCLAWS. I hope you don't mind if I visit right now?" Jared's heart stopped. Hell no. Jared looked up at his dad pleading, begging that Tom shouldn't come over. BIGMEATYCLAWS just nodded again. He teleported them to Hell and waved goodbye.
"Sorry buckos I've got some mortals' lives to ruin. Might even visit a church this time!" BIGMEATYCLAWS exclaimed, remembering the last time he went to a church.
"You are nOT visiting a church!" Jared stepped in.
BIGMEATYCLAWS rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I might do it anyway. Tom! Watch my son, will you?"
Tom smiled innocently, "My pleasure!"
BIGMEATYCLAWS de-materialized and left the two alone. Jared rubbed his hands together awkwardly, Tom silently watching. Jared spoke up. "So what do you want to d-"
"You got any games?"
"Not really,,, but I do have so yaoi videos I stole from Twitter-" Tom chuckled. "What's so funny?"
Tom leaned in really close and whispered, "You don't remember our game?" Jared's eyes widen.
"Y-you don't mean what I think y-" Tom moaned quietly. Jared froze. "What the fuc-"
"I still have the scars you gave me," he kept his voice low despite the wails of the damned in the background. "More, I need more. I crave your attention. I've missed you everyday. Everyday I cried out for you. Everyday you looked away. Now that I'm here you wont let me suffer anymore." Tom closed his eyes. "Will you?" Jared swallowed hard.
"I don't- I can't hurt you anymore! Bruh I'm a hardcore sub now!" Tom rolled his eyes.
"Tell me your kinks are the same." Jared nodded.
"You're such a slut sometimes," Tom moaned into his ear. Jared looked over at him with mixed emotions.
Y'all they teleported to Jared's room, which was full of Taeyong posters. Tom leaned against the wall. "So what do you want, bitch?" Jared bit his lip and sat on his bed.
Just then LUCAS burst in. "JARED YOU WONT BELIEVE IT DAD WAS AT A CHURCH AND HE WAS IN A FIGHT WITH-" Tom just the door in his face. He sat on the bed beside Jared.
"It's kinda hot in here-" Tom fucking took his shirt off and Jared had 76 strokes. Tom smirked.
Alright I wrote 5 different versions of how I wanted this to go down but really I could pick a way that I like the most so let's just say Jared has his dick S U C K E D and it was really nutty.
There was a knock on the door. Suddenly the door was thrown open and LUCAS SCREAMED. "JARED YOU WONT BELIEVE IT DAD WAS AT A CHURCH AND HE WAS IN A FIGHT WITH THE POPE" Tom looked at him bemused. "THE GOD DAM POPE JARED" LUCAS was CRYING. Jared looked at him. He reached into his GUCCI BACKPACk™ and pulled out a Bible.
"Let's call Jonghyun on his ass"
